Apart from the three general approaches to anger management, outlined in the previous article, there are a number of practical strategies that can help you deal with anger without wrecking too much of your surroundings.

Advertisement

Relax, caveman
When you feel that surge of blood to the head, and you know that you are about to lash out, just take a deep breath, let the wave pass over you, don't ride it.

The APA suggests the following to help you ward off that violent impulse:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. (something like a large rump stake would do fine)
• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Change the way you think
As you watch the ball role passed the cup from a meagre two feet, you feel the impulse to take the putter in your two hands and violently mutilate it over your knee.

When on the next hole your playing partner roles in a 20 footer to beat you by a single stroke, you are suddenly convinced that he has cheated.

Similarly, when your set of wheels collides with that of another male, in all likelihood, a shouting match will ensue. Primitive as you can get, both of you slap your chests, threatening violence, refusing to even consider that you yourself might have been at fault.

A technique known as cognitive restructuring aims to change this thought pattern. Basically, as you feel the irrationality mounting up in you, the I-am-right, and all-of-you-are-wrong syndrome, you need to take a step back and try to see things in perspective.

"When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic," according to the APA. "Instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world, and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.""

What does it really matter if you miss a putt? Surely your friend didn't cheat? And, shouting at the other driver can only make things worse. If you can realise this as you are standing at the side of the road, you are well on your way.

The cave days are over, we don't need to watch out for wild animals any more. We have language and laws now. The world is not out to get us. We can stop taking ourselves so seriously.

Learn to talk
Learning to communicate is one of the most important skills in maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding the destructive effects of anger.

When in a heated discussion, The APA recommends not jumping to conclusions or saying the first thing that comes into your mind. Take a moment to think things through and listen to what the other person is saying.

Why did she throw out your LPs? Could it be that she thought you didn't want them anymore, since they had been stashed away in the attic for years? Or might it be a desperate attempt to get your attention away from the computer where you are spending every waking hour?

People very rarely go out to purposefully hurt each other, usually it is either a misunderstanding, or there is some underlying problem. So, be very weary of jumping to conclusions.

As in our cave days, we don't think clearly when we get excited. Instead, we get defensive and irrational. If you really want to control your anger, you have to admit to yourself that you get irrational, and only then can you really start to deal with it.

Relationships are a bit like global warming - you have to deal with the problem sooner rather than later. If you wait till the droughts and storms get really bad, it may already be too late.

Laugh a little
"Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh," according to the APA.

Most of the time when we get angry, we lose perspective and become completely absorbed in ourselves and the things that are making us angry. If you can manage to step back in see the situation in context, it is often as good as defusing that inner time bomb.

Tell yourself, "I'm being silly. Surely there are more important things to get worked up about."

Try re-imagining the situation with a humorous twist. Picture yourself as a caveman in tears about his Dylan LPs, a giant gorilla sulking because he lost his golf game, or do whatever you have to do to make that mental shift.

Getting help
"If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counselling to learn how to handle it better," the APA advises.

Psychologists can help you work on techniques to control your anger, and according to the APA, you might see results in as little as eight to ten weeks. (Marcus Low, Health24, August 2005)
 

Print this article

Rate this article Poor 1 2 3 4 5 Excellent

JOBS

Analyst Developer (Contract) R25,000-35,000 Per Month Western Cape Senior Accountant R300,000-360,000 Per Annum Cost To Company Gauteng - North/Sandton Assistant Financial Manager (Contract) R300,000-360,000 Per Annum Cost To Company Gauteng - North/Sandton Accounts Payable Team Leader R300,000-350,000 Per Annum Cost To Company Gauteng - Johannesburg Financial Manager R500,000-600,000 Per Annum Cost To Company South Africa Corporate Finance Manager (Chartered Accountant) AA preferred R500,000-620,000 Per Annum Cost To Company South Africa Senior PHP Developer Western Cape Data Capturer Gauteng - Pretoria Find more jobs Register your CV Post a job