Life’s difficult enough, with tow-truck drivers stalking your every move on the freeway and kids expecting you to be able to programme the VCR. Ailments and injuries should be the least of your worries. Here are a few tips.
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Your ingrown face Problem: every time you shave, you end up with these little itching, burning bumps. It drives you nuts and looks terrible.
Solution: shave less closely for a while by switching from a twin-blade razor to a single-blade one. Buy disposable razors and use them once. Shave every second day, unless you’re in a profession that frowns on a bit of stubble. Shave after a steaming hot shower. Wash your face thoroughly with soap. Use a face cloth and a basin full of hot water. It shouldn’t scald you, though. Soak the facecloth in the water, then hold it to your face. Do this several times. Then quickly apply shaving cream and shave with the grain of your beard. Rinse your face with warm water, then repeat the water-and-facecloth routine several times. Finish off by rubbing on some olive oil with a few drops of lavender oil and tea tree oil. Avoid after-shave lotion as it contains alcohol, which scalds the skin. Apply some aqueous cream at night.
A blow to the balls Problem: you had a misunderstanding with that wiry new midfielder while trying to centre a pass. Now waves of nausea and pain are washing over you, along with muttered commiseration from your teammates and a gnawing worry about your unborn offspring.
Solution: once you’ve been stretchered off, grab a cold beer, and put the unopened can directly on the sore spot. In the change rooms, get a towel or a T-shirt and roll it into a sausage. Sitting with your legs splayed, loop it over your thighs so that it supports the testicles and prevents them from hanging down. Take a painkiller containing paracetamol, such as Panado or Tylenol, but not Disprin, which contains aspirin. This will help prevent the spreading of bruising. But if your testicles turn a funny colour, see a doctor immediately.
Your teeth Problem: a colleague brought in doughnuts and now your can feel that your teeth are covered in a rime of sugar.
Solution: eat some cheese, preferably low fat. It neutralises the production of cavity-forming acid. Munch any raw, crunchy fruit or vegetable, especially apples and carrots. Not only does the fibre give your teeth a good scrub, the vigorous chewing motion stimulates circulation to the gums.
Your insomnia Problem: there’s a lot happening at work and you’re having trouble sleeping.
Solution: cut back on stimulants such as alcohol and caffeine. Booze might help you fall asleep, but you won’t feel rested in the morning. Try drinking some chamomile tea before bed. If you get up in the night to take a leak, do it in the dark. Switching on the light messes with your body clock and sleeping patterns. Learn deep breathing routine to relax from the feet up. And plan to take some leave soon.
Your bloodshot eyes Problem: the presentation is ready, but you worked until 3am to finish it, now you look grim.
Solution: a cloth wet with cold water held over the eyes for five minutes can have an almost miraculous effect. Press the cloth gently onto the eyes. If you use eye drops, keep your eyes closed for five minutes, or they’ll simply be washed away.
You heartburn Problem: you broke your promise to yourself to never eat another pie form the hole-in-the-wall downstairs. Now your belly’s afire.
Solution: chew some sugar-free gum to stimulate saliva flow. Down a carton of plain, unsweetened yoghurt with live cultures. Once that’s been down for a while, sip at warm peppermint tea, or simply warm water. If you really have a bad case, drink a teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda in half a cup of warm water. Don’t make a habit of it - it can give you the runs. - (William Smook)
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