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Updated 24 July 2014

Quotes and jokes about flu

There is a lighter side of flu - yes, really. These jokes will lift your spirits as you tough it out.

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The patient went to his doctor because he had flu, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket, but forgot to get the tablets from the pharmacy.

Every morning, for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the soccer stadium, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from his boss. One day he mislaid it.

His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the conservatory of music.


“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.” Samuel Butler


“The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases.” Caskie Stinnet


Bombeck’s rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

“One of the minor pleasures in life is to be slightly ill.” Harold Nicholson


The doctor tells the patient he has very bad flu. The patient says he wants a second opinion. The doctor says, ”OK, you’re ugly too”.


“A doctor is the only man without a guaranteed cure for the cold”. Dominic Cleary


“The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature affects the cure.” Voltaire

“If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks. Gloria Silverstein


A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, ”Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
“Do you mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.
“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”


“My dear doctor, I’m surprised to hear you say that I am coughing very badly, because I have been practising all night.” John Philpot Curran

 
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