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Updated 15 August 2014

Things women wish you knew

Don't be the guy that couldn't do it right. Here’s something to send an untimely chill down your spine - your partner is hoping you’ll read this article.

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You don't want to be the guy that couldn't do it right, the one she grinds her teeth at every time she has to get in bed with you.

Face it, women are different to men. So it’s predictable that some of the things blokes do in bed will drive women wild, while others might just irk them a bit. Here are a few, and what you can do about them.

Hygiene

Even if you believe your trouser furniture is clean, a shower before bed never hurt anyone. She might even get into hot water with you. Being clean is a basic courtesy, whether you’ve spent the day by the pool or mopping out the lion’s cage.

The same goes for your hands and any other part of you that you plan to put inside her. Clean hands and immaculately trimmed and scrubbed nails are mandatory.

Trying to be a stud

Women can be very sensitive about this: Mr Lover Man goes through his whole seduction routine, stimulating her squishy bits and coaxing her toward an almighty orgasm. Yet she gets the feeling he’s making love to A Woman, rather than to her. Try focusing on her. Calling her by her name is good, especially if you pronounce it correctly.

Foreplay starts with the clothes on

Warming up to a sweaty, naked encounter can start hours, even days beforehand and actually being considerate and nice can pay dividends.

Some blokes can pull off the whole smouldering, bad-guy image, but a lot of the time they end up glowering, Healthcliffe-like, at themselves in the mirror of some bar. The bottom line: don’t stand her up for lunch and then expect to arrive at her place and be greeted by a seductress in something lacy.

Hitting the same bases
Beware of slipping into a schedule: kiss, breasts, kiss some more, penetration. Once a women feels you’ve fallen into a habit, the thermostat goes off. Remind yourself of all the other nerve endings in splendid array around her body. Even slender girls have plenty of skin and all of it has really useful nerve endings.

Keeping quiet

Even if you’re not the most articulate of men when you’re in the sack, try to at least emit the occasional appreciative sound. And if she urges you to talk to her during those intimate moments, you’d better learn to.

Being too rough

We’ll put it down to enthusiasm, but no woman likes to have her breasts twisted off or her vagina prodded with claw-like fingers. You’re dealing with soft, pliable tissue here. Go softly. If you’re doing it correctly, you’ll know, and if she wants more pressure or roughness she’ll probably tell you.

Finishing too soon

For some men this becomes a dreaded habit that warrants therapy. For most, it can be fixed with a little self-help.

Masturbate until you’re about to have an orgasm, then stop. Repeat this several times before finishing off.

Regularly working at this will help to delay your reaction and you ought to be able to control it better. Until you get that right you can rely on the rest of your formidable arsenal of stimulation to provide your partner with all sorts of pleasure.

You can give her an orgasm with cunnilingus or your fingers, or take her up to the very brink before introducing your penis.

Lasting too long

Some men would give a kidney to have this problem, but it can be very little fun for women who just wish the guy would finish up.

For some men, this is a result of plenty of frenzied, hurried masturbation, which has left the penis desensitised. It can be cured by leaving the member alone for a few weeks. With no masturbation, there’ll be some return of sensitivity. After that you should masturbate gently, or by using only your fingertips, not squeezing like you’re trying to throttle a python.

(William Smook, Health24, updated March 2014)

(Picture: woman thinking from Shutterstock) 


Read more:
5 tips to spice up your sex life
The lowdown on the penis
Any questions? Ask our sexologist

 
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