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Question
Posted by: Men | 2012-05-07

Your Perspective

Going to make this short and sweet.

I''''ve been married so long it seems forever (10years plus) and througout my husband has been verbally abusive. He had an affair not long after our 1st child was born. I forgave him and tried to work on the marriage.

He is the type of person that would put me down in a company. He would tell me I am stupid when I give my opinion in discussions with friends. He would compare me to other woman. Will tell everybody that marriage is crap.

I am very independent and don''''t allow him to belittle me or break my spirit. Even though what he says hurts I pretend it doesnt. There are times he mocks me in a company and if I say something to him then he gets upset.

Our kids are very attached to both of us but they spend most times with me on weekends. Me and hubby never do things together I tried to get him to spend alone time at movies, dinner etc. He always refuse saying what about the kids. (By the way I have a live in helper and the kids would be fine if we went out).

I end up taking the kids to movies, friends parties etc he gets to relax at home watch movies, play games or golf etc. When I go out it can only be at night because I make sure the kids are in bed and sleeping. So I go out now and again with female friends and have a coffee or a girls night.

Now he tells me I am a crap mother because I will do things for my friends at the cost of my kids. (which is utter rubbish my kids are in bed or safe at home if I don anything with my friends.

Question to the Men. What do you think of this situation. I told him to f-off?? I''''ve had enough of his BS. Am I wrong??

PS: I''''m not ignorant to the fact that he is narcisistic but I tried to make it work for the kids sake.

Forgot to mention we seldom have sex (its been almost 3 months since we last were intimate). And it doesnt seem to bother him. We never communicate, if ever we do its only about the children. He veg out in front of the tv and is always too tired to talk or have a conversation.

He has so much free time on weekends because I always take the kids out on a weekend. So he has lots of alone time. Now he says I am a bad mother because I would join my friends for movies, dinner or drinks at night. But that is the only time I get to do these things without having the kids around. I also need some alone/adult time. He doesnt get it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I do believe in "working on a marriage|, but of course it only really works when BOTH partners sincerely work on it. When a guy tells other people his marriage is crap, doesn't he realize he is admitting that HE has failed ? Anyhow, what on earth is wrong with making it very clear that he is offensive, rude and bad mannered, and apparently can't face taking responsibility for his own words and actions ? Of course you need and deserve some adult time of your own - Lord knows he seems to demand and get an awful lot of that !
His repeated complaints that you're a lousy mother suggests that he may dimly recognize that he'\s being a lousy husband and father, buit would prefer to see everything as your fault

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Men | 2012-05-07

CS you right, he never owns up and always blame it on me. He when he admits he is at fault then he will end it by sayin ''he knows he is f-d up but that is just the he is''

And he expects me to just accept that. He must start taking responsibility for his faults in the marriage. He keeps saying its me that brings out the worst in him.

Reply to Men
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-07

I do believe in "working on a marriage|, but of course it only really works when BOTH partners sincerely work on it. When a guy tells other people his marriage is crap, doesn't he realize he is admitting that HE has failed ? Anyhow, what on earth is wrong with making it very clear that he is offensive, rude and bad mannered, and apparently can't face taking responsibility for his own words and actions ? Of course you need and deserve some adult time of your own - Lord knows he seems to demand and get an awful lot of that !
His repeated complaints that you're a lousy mother suggests that he may dimly recognize that he'\s being a lousy husband and father, buit would prefer to see everything as your fault

Reply to cybershrink

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