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Question
Posted by: Sharon | 2011-06-03

Younger boyfriend

Im a 35 yrs old woman dating a 30 yr old boyfriend. I look younger than my age, most people think im between 23 -25 yrs old. Its the first time i ever date someone younger than me. Age has never been an issue &  we never discuss it.

Yesterday he introduced me to part of his family, and some older guy picked up that i might be older than him. He asked him, and to my surprise my boyfriend lied &  said im younger than him. when we got home he said i must change my spectacles bcoz they make me look older, and he will be taking me to his parents soon &  doesnt want them asking too many questions, especially his mother.

This made me realise that he is not really comfortable with me being older him &  he doesnt want people to know. I asked him this morning but he is denying having a problem with my age. I''m very hurt by this &  i dont know how to handle it.

Am i over reacting &  being over sensitive? Please advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he loves you, why is he feeling ashamed that you're a bit older than him ? Discuss this calmly with him. He sounds more immature than 30. Don't challenge him too directly or angrily, but ask him what he assumes his parents and other folks will think when they discover you're slightly older in calendar years.
If a family doesn't worry about a man dating a younger woman, what's wrong with a woman dating a younger man ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

9
Our users say:
Posted by: Ashie | 2011-06-08

His a mummy''s boy, leave him and find someone that deserves you and takes you for who you are. Lying and hiding because of age difference is not on

Reply to Ashie
Posted by: Zee | 2011-06-03

Many men would like to go out with an older women for their maturity and experience in life. No, not sexually only. Many find it a great turn on especially if the lady is attractive for their age. This guy you going out is not yet a man. Why do men still need approval from their mothers on who they date/ marry at their age. If you love him, tell him straight that he should take you for the way you look and when he met you. Soon he will be telling you how to dress etc.

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Sonja | 2011-06-03

this happened to my family. in our culture woman was younger than husbands. so that why old people don''t understand. give it a time. remember people tease your bf about your age that''s why he won''t tell the truth. they may laugh at him. remember even the bible says a woman is a bone of her husbands bones, flesh of his flesh. it''s their belief and ask your husband if he''s ashamed of your age. try to sort something out, things that will make you and him to feel good about

Reply to Sonja
Posted by: Sonja | 2011-06-03

this happened to my family. in our culture woman was younger than husbands. so that why old people don''t understand. give it a time. remember people tease your bf about your age that''s why he won''t tell the truth. they may laugh at him. remember even the bible says a woman is a bone of her husbands bones, flesh of his flesh. it''s their belief and ask your husband if he''s ashamed of your age. try to sort something out, things that will make you and him to feel good about

Reply to Sonja
Posted by: Anon | 2011-06-03

I am sorry, but I dont agree. Age is a number and your parents and friends should not be judging you on how old you are, but how good you are for one another, and what each of you brings to your relationship that makes it work.

If you are scared that your families would disapprove because of your ages, there is something wrong. There is not such a big age difference. If you were fifteen years older than him I would say that could be a problem.

Bottom line, he lied, a lie is a lie, no matter what it is about. And if he can tell lies about something as insignificant as age, what else can he tell lies about?

You are right to worry and you need to talk to him about this and set things straight now. This would concern me because I would worry what else he is capable about lying about and I would not be comfortable.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Sharon | 2011-06-03

Thank you Sunshine. U made me feel better. I will talk to him.

Reply to Sharon
Posted by: Sunshine | 2011-06-03

Hi There

In answer to your question. No you not over reacting. Its justifiable that you may feel hurt and to a point you may even feel that you boyfriend is ashamed of you.

I too am dating a younger guy and just like you I look younger than what I really am. Although his family has never asked about our ages, it does become a worry for me. We have never told anyone but should they ask I suspect that he would also lie. Remember you really have to see it from his point of view. Imagine his mother found out that you older than him (now we all know just how difficult mothers in-law can be) now add the fact that you are older than him to thatt. Don''t you think in her knowing that she may just have a problem with an older woman dating her " baby" 

My bf''s mother in really nice but I do worry should she find out that I''m older if that will not become an issue.

Look at this as your man trying yo protect you. But talk to him. He has to know how this really makes you feel and also you need to know how this really make him feel. Men can be really sensitive at times and dont forget men want to be seen as the head and the one in control so Male Ego plays a big role.

For me, him not telling is his way of protecting US and our relationship from being over analysed
Whatever you do Good Luck

Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: Maria | 2011-06-03

Your boyfriend sounds immature and insensitive.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-03

If he loves you, why is he feeling ashamed that you're a bit older than him ? Discuss this calmly with him. He sounds more immature than 30. Don't challenge him too directly or angrily, but ask him what he assumes his parents and other folks will think when they discover you're slightly older in calendar years.
If a family doesn't worry about a man dating a younger woman, what's wrong with a woman dating a younger man ?

Reply to cybershrink

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