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Question
Posted by: sisi | 2010/09/10

young &  confused

i 29 have a house and a car in short –  independent, im in a 5 months relationship with a 32 yr security guy who seriously wants 2 get married... i would really love to get married to him too.

But he currently making me to be concerned...currently he expresses his feelings via SMS or letters where he would write things like "  i was wrong 2 tell myself ur mine" , " i don’ t qualify 2 b your man" , " i dont have a good job" , " the love i have isnt enough without a good job"  etc. i confronted him asking him what he mean all he could say was " sorry it will never happen again"  10 days down he calls and wants us to talk... i get home find a long letter with the same contents... asked him what he meant he said " sorry i promise i will not do this again" . i strongly asked him have i ever made him feel that he earns less than me or that he isnt good enough for me, he kept saying he is sorry... i so dont have a problem with 4giving him but according to my understanding once 1 feels this way they will never stop instead he will bottle it up and God knows what this will lead to... i told him i cannot go on like this...

what really concern me is that this guy wants to take out Lobola by the end of the year, how is this going to be possible if he keeps on feeling that He is not good enough for me. i also suggested that he will need a psychologies because it seems there is more to this.

please...please... advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like the poor guy has very low self-esteem and thinks badly of himself and his job - maybe feeling a bit intimidated by your independence and your achievements.
I agree that, apart from your re-assuring him, he does need and deserve some counselling to recognize all that is good about him, and to improve his competence. I wish such necessities were considered a routine part of the lobola !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: G | 2010/09/10

Ek begin lees en vorm my gedagtes mooi om te antwoord, toe kom ons by lobola uit  ag, dit mors my tyd.

Reply to G
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/10

Sounds like the poor guy has very low self-esteem and thinks badly of himself and his job - maybe feeling a bit intimidated by your independence and your achievements.
I agree that, apart from your re-assuring him, he does need and deserve some counselling to recognize all that is good about him, and to improve his competence. I wish such necessities were considered a routine part of the lobola !

Reply to cybershrink

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