Posted by: TD | 2008-12-08


every year we spend xmas with my brother and sister in-law. I am not being racist here as my sister in-law is a very loving person and so is brother in-law.they have a huge house with swimming pool, no kids but two cats that they treat as their kids.
now i am coloured and they are whites, when we get there we have to play WII games like kids, I do have a 12yr old whom enjoys all, but I am left alone with him and they all flock to the kitchen.we get a set time in which to be there and hubby makes sure we not a minute late even though I say why rush, all the years we' ve done so many a year and it' s the same.we there on time but find the lunch is not even started, they laugh and talk with my hubby in the kitchen, if I enter the kitchen then the subject is changed, we have to take note of these cats like they are kids and listen to their stories, my hubby hates animals but now he' ll carry the cats and rub their backs which is unbelievable as we not allowed any animals in our home. I really feel out of place here.
my brother in-law does all the cooking his wife can' t cook so she will sit on the internet, says it' s work.this couple are still very much in love and always rubbing each other up, which is good but they tend to think they are the only two in the room, his so attentive to her.where as mine sits far away from me and only speaks to them whilst eating I am totally left out, so speak to my son or listen to them, most of their stories are about England as they originate from there and IT as the brothers are in IT.
this year I have refused to go to them for xmas, even if we invite them over they never come, they always have some excuse or other, when I offer to cook a dish or pudding to take along they refuse and so does my hubby, he' d rather go to woolies and purchase desert, not that I can' t make them as my hubby loves my cooking and deserts, I feel like maybe they don' t want to eat from me.
I really feel left out, having to play with my son all the time.I told hubby that he must book at a restaurant for us this year as I am no longer going to these do' s and it' s not like the food is out of this world, just plain turkey and lamb roast with veg and desert bought from woolies.
I make fab yorkshire puds and last yr they made some which were hard as rock one couldn' t put the knife through them but my hubby praised them and actually ate more than his share which he never does at home, plus still asks for take aways, is he showing off here ?as those take aways are never eaten at home, he wants my cooking.
I feel like my hubby makes out that I can' t cook a thing and keeps praising this food that tastes like leather as they don' y marinade anything, the potatoes are sodden wilh oil, and the veggies consist of carrots and peas no salad.I just feel surely for one year they could come to us but they wont.So I am tired of this get together, as once we have eaten the brother in-laws who does all spends time in the kitchen and the wife goes to their room, we have to play WII games, until my hubby feels he wants to leave which is well into midnite by then.Am I bad?.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your husband is too busy sucking up to these folks, and should be attending properly to you. And not leaving you alone to play games while he gossips in the kitchen. It does indeed sound as though he is showing off here, and one wonders why.
Of course you're not bad, and should make it clear to your husband that you're not prepared to go along for more bad food, you and your child being neglected, and more o his showing off.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ? | 2008-12-09

Am I the only one who finds this to be a little petty? Look, Christmas comes once a year. So for the sake of being with family etc, maybe just try and deal with having to eat crappy food.
It doesn' t matter whether the husband or wife cooks surely? What is so wrong with a man wanting to cook?

It' s Christmas, and at least you' re spending time with your son, playing with him. Have you ever asked your son if he enjoys going there? He most probably does.

Your husband on the other hand, needs to stop sucking up and showing off. I don' t see anything else wrong with going to your in-laws besides your hubby' s behaviour.

Reply to ?
Posted by: Leigh | 2008-12-08

Dear TD,

I don' t know what it is about a family get-together that brings out the worst in people! Let your husband know in no uncertain terms how you feel. Why should this ' celebration'  be a horrible experience for you. The family are totally insensitive - stand up for how you feel - they most likely haven' t a clue how they are cutting you out. It might be rocky for a few gatherings but they will begin to respect who you are. Try not to make husband choose between family and you but get him to realise what he is doing and that you are now No1 in his family. Good luck

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