Home > Experts > Question Search health advice Find an answer Question Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 Q.Xhosa''s vs Tswana Ladies, I''m experiencing this rejection from tswana women, they like me until they find out i''m xhosa...even my younger sister (tsw)used to go on and on about disliking xhosa''s...I know the perception about xhosa''s, and trust me i take jokes, i even help add more jokes on top of that. But bona they take us personal. When i started here, and i ws introduced, tswanas would be eish Maxhosa le wona man, and ask to my boss " where did you get le-xhosa? jokingly thoughOne of my friend''s is tswana, i spent time with her on the opening WC and met some of her collegues/frnds, they happen to be other cultures, i was the only xhosa (it didn matter to me). But yo i sensed some pretense, tension, I ended up making myself comfortable with the man that was hitting on me. On the chain e-mails you can tell they discriminate, i asked to be removed. My ex was tswana, he despised xhosa''s...even his friends asked him how did you managed to take a xhosa in?(it must be love). When i vizited his home town, they would go on about xhosa''s, eish!! What puzzles me is that i dont get the same reaction from other cultures. except for Tswana. And i like them, my mom is married to one...I care-less about who likes me, but this is getting into my attention. More: All ExpertsForumArchive 44 user comments C. Posted by: nanazi | 2014/07/14 guys ihliziyo idla la ithanda khona ukuthi ihome languege yakho yini akwenzi nexs okufanele sikuqale kujabula epilwe uthola umuntu athi usemshadweni mara uhlala athandaza ukuthi ngathana umuntu amshadileko uyabhubha akhone ukuthola imali zakhe kubuhlu kwabanye abantu guys ngoba abanye abomama ahlalela abantwana emshadweni. Reply to nanazi Posted by: Nontuli | 2014/07/04 Abantu abafani that's all I know. am not saying this kuba ndingu mXhosa. pple in a relationship ababoni ngokufana. You can be in a relationship kanti u only there for ubuhle bomntu, imali yakhe etc kanti yena uyakuthanda for real. Behaviour yabantu depends on what you want as an individual. konke okunye oku its just a perception. love is about risk for when you love there is no assurance that u will be loved back bt love anyway the rest will follow. The perception yokuba Xhasa are stingy is not true. why do they hv family if they r like that. why do u hv to love somebody's money to an extent that u even notice ubu stingy bakhe? Money cant buy love I believe guys.? Reply to Nontuli Posted by: bitterhoney | 2014/06/02 I'm tswana women, and i live with xhosa's what they knw is to call adas makwerekwere bcoz of languages we speak, where we from guys i dnt blame tswana women if they judge or tok kak abt them coz they doing the same way. currently staying in cpt with them, and they are racist, cheaters, and crooks they likes money. and i date a xhosa guy and he also tired of his own people Reply to bitterhoney Posted by: mmatlou | 2014/02/21 im currently be shelad by a xhosa guy mind you i am pedi eish the fact that if i get married i have to deal with xhosa in laws freaks me ...i just cant stand xhosas and their stinky behaviour Reply to mmatlou Posted by: Miss T2 | 2013/10/15 Hi All Am new in this blog and I'm saddened about all this...I mean aren't we all africans(God's creation)????? People!!!!People are just being people, they will always have something to say it doesn't mean they are right or you have to worry urself about what they think! How about what GOD thinks about you for that matter?I mean really now. Anyway's I am dating a venda guy and yes everything is nicely big!!!!! Come on guy's a little appreciation of what you have will do u know. Reply to Miss T2 Posted by: XhosaTswana | 2013/09/26 In my opinion, from what I have observed, Xhosa and Tswana women are similar, that's maybe the reason why they don't get along. Hahahahahahahaha... Reply to XhosaTswana Posted by: Tee | 2013/08/21 I am African American and I do not understand how one group of people can despise another group of people. Help me to understand why this is happening? By the way, I love African women! (^: Reply to Tee Posted by: sir edwards | 2013/08/16 Am mixture of coloured and Tswana,batswana ba lenyatso ebile baipona.they don't wanna learn other tribe's languages,except Afrikaans and English. Reply to sir edwards Posted by: Foreigner | 2013/07/30 Tswana girl generally have a lot of negatives to talk about other people. I guess it's their "culture". my foreign self have also experienced a lot of rejection from tswana girls. Reply to Foreigner Posted by: MsG | 2013/07/29 I understand what you mean.my mother is a tswana and my dad is a xhosa.my moms side of the family despises my father's side of the family and vice versa.I always have to choose between the two when I visit that area.its really sad if u ask me.so what should I do?I have both xhosa and tswana names.I live a double life. Reply to MsG Posted by: Tina | 2010/08/12 Any lady in here ever married a venda man and had a successfull relationship?HELP!!!!!!Got married to one selfish Venda guy. I regret wasting that part of my life!!! Reply to Tina Posted by: Gudda Gudda ( Double G ) | 2010/07/19 Ahh plz. People that hate other people because of gender, race or culture do so because they are uneasy about themselves. They are insecure and find perceived weakness in others so their pathetic ego''s can be positive. Xhosa''s should just stand firm and not critice back. Remember never argue with a fool because people might not see the difference. As for our leadership. The Biko''s, Mandela''s, Walter Sisuli''s, G Mbeki etc. are xhosa''s and we are here because of them. Thulani niziyeke ezinkunkuma!!!! Reply to Gudda Gudda ( Double G ) Posted by: Lona | 2010/07/19 ja nhe, this is very sad. so much hatred coz of tribalism. i find this very funny coz I''m a Xhosa woman and andixutywanga and I have friends from different cultures Tswana''s ,Sothos, Pedi''s , Zulu''s, Venda''s , Tsonga''s you name them and i think i get along with them coz I''m always willing to know them, their culture and even learn their languages as well which makes things more comfortable for us but funny enough they''ve never even tried to learn mine not even once. If you guys can try to accomodate us, learn things abt us instead of seeing us as Gold digers, backstebbers and all of these things" niyaphaphanithanda imali nicabanga ukuthi nibahlenithatha amdoda abantunicabanga ukuthi nifundile nicabanga ukuthi nihlakaniphe nodwanicabanga ukuthi yini nodwa who can be leaders" you might learn a thing or two. Reply to Lona Posted by: P | 2010/07/16 You, myself and the rest of other ladies i''m sure we on the same boat Lu,Yes, i may not have a problem, with me i''m surrounded by them, and this is not hyperthetic, the HATE has got onto me. I''m not the person that gives the attitude back before i understand excatly what''s the problem.Like i said, BDaddy is tswana, ex with inegotiations was tswana from NW, and believe you me i''m targeting another tswana to marry... Reply to P Posted by: Lu | 2010/07/16 Oa bona ge, athomile " Mathosa" a,P, I learned a long time ago to ignore all the nasty comments and I made friends with a Tswana woman from Mafitown, we''ve been friends for more than 7yrs now. In all, people are just people, some will be ignorant and negative about anything . Mna andina problem with anyone and as a result I can date a man from whichever tribe. I''m proudly Xhosa and willing to get to know anyone who treats me and him/herself with respect Reply to Lu Posted by: Q | 2010/07/16 .... you are such a JERK you will -|- those who let you nnnnxxxxaaaaaa Reply to Q Posted by: Dot Dot my foot | 2010/07/16 This one is for you dotdotdot. nobody is asking you marry a Xhosa woman, so shut your big sorry trap and continue F*ck*ing whoever allows you to, until ur dick rots and falls off.I once dated a Pedi man who was a liar and a cheat, always out of gas when he had to visit, or car breaking down so I can cough up money for him to repair it, but that didn''t make me think that all Pedis are crooks.If a person is a crook he/she is one period, irrespective of their ethinicity. All P wanted was to understand why Tswanas treat us Xhosas the way they do, but you didn''t see her insulting anyone.Enough already with this ethnic hate talks. I am a XHOSA woman and proud of it. Reply to Dot Dot my foot Posted by: ... | 2010/07/16 i''m pedi & will never marry a xhosa girl, theough they are nice to F*ck but just crooks Reply to ... Posted by: Man | 2010/07/16 Truth is Xhosa women dont settle for less and they only go for well established men is all about money and dont make mistake of trusting them so is Tswana women opportunist especially those from Maftown dont play around, real women are Tsonga & Venda, Zulu''s and Pedi''s ba loya muthi all the way. Reply to Man Posted by: Ntombiyomzi | 2010/07/16 This stigma attached is never been exposed to different cultures and traditions.Udabs had a child with a Tsonga we are almost the same age so utatomkhulu who had never been out of then Transkei used to call the father isilwane and all funny cruel stories would be told abt Shangan people, and being exposed to such ridicule of the Tsonga''s I also expected to see very very ugly human beings but it turned out untrue so I realy get disappointed when a person who claims to be educated and exposed makes nasty comments abt other cultures!!! Reply to Ntombiyomzi Posted by: Q | 2010/07/15 the way they treat us i can''t even date them..i have also developed attitude torwads them..i have Zulu,Pedi and Venda friends but not Tswanas''s ..you''ve never been with Xhosa''s but you are so quick to judge people.. Reply to Q Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 And another thing hey, just for closing...Like if there''s an introduction circling, you tell your name amongst other ladies, maybe guys or ladies( b4 u bite me) you will be asked ohh umuxhosa, then all eyes on you. then all of a sudden the attention , i dont like it, bcos why do i have to be different/outstand bcos i''m xhosa?...I once lost it on this other guy before the braai started, when he said " ohh o moxhosa" ... he didnt understand why, i apologised later...I got so tired of this xhosa thing...Even if he was interested in me why did he had to mention xhosa, now it will give the other stereo typed women that he''s coming on to me becos i''m xhosa, " you see B* s that''s why we dont like you*...hope you get my drift....Good night Reply to P Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 Yes i can, I can even speak setswana, not fluently of cos...I know for a fact that these are Tswana''s i''m talking about. I also have sotho friends, my late babysitter was sotho... Reply to P Posted by: Ngwanyana wa motswana | 2010/07/15 P and other Xhosa ladies, can you differentaite between Batswana, Basotho and Bapedi or Mapedi? Reply to Ngwanyana wa motswana Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 You know 000 i dont have an issue with the perception, and stigma attached to us... That''s a desease without remedy. And I have friends across, Shangan, Venda and Zulu''s, pedi,unfortunately both steady relationships were with Tswanas,BD proposed, with ex there were negotiations...i bet my future hubby will be tswana not doubt ...is that you Oscar? Reply to P Posted by: Katli | 2010/07/15 There is this old man ko kerekng. Ke mxhosa, and he has been divorced to two xhosa womans. He tells everyone who cares to listen that xhosa woman, izinyoka(sp) and he swears to his mother’ s grave that he will never ever in his life go out with a xhosa woman again… . I found it interesting coming from a xhosa man.It’ s interesting what Ocar says because lerona during the forma Bophutatswana we grew to know gore anyone o sa bueng Setswana ke lekwerekwere, lekomonisi ( It was interesting, once I new the true meaning of the word, communist) legrikamba kgotsa letshelatrata… .. Anyway, I also don’ t hate friends. We all the Gods creation. Different culture, language, personality and so on.Peace guys, got to go home. Reply to Katli Posted by: Q | 2010/07/15 sorry to budge in..but i couldn''t help it seriously Tswana ppl have aproblem with Xhosa''s.it''s worse here in PTA they way they talk about us Xhosa''sbut i really don''t mind coz i give them exactly the kind of attitude they are expecting..it was funny in the begining but sometimes they get too personal.. Reply to Q Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 LOL Showerhead... Reply to P Posted by: 000 | 2010/07/15 This has just reminded me of a converstion I overheard in a taxi a some months ago...These two ladies were discussing an article in the newspaper about Zuma''s 2nd wife cheating. The other lady just said, ''Amanga onke lawa uZuma is not stupid to be taking this woman pregnant with another man''s child overseas, ileli Xhosa aselithathile (3rd wife) awazi ukuthi akazi yini ukuthi amaxhosa afuna ukuphatha and azi ukuthi iwo wodwa ahlakaniphile, by the time this woman is finished with him all the wives will be dead or behambile and she will leave him without a cent.Amaxhosa lawa akudlalwa.''So, P noting that this was in KZN I would say it''s the same all over it''s just that where you are there are a lot of Tswana compared to other tribes. Reply to 000 Posted by: Katli | 2010/07/15 P maybe, just maybe you haven’ t met Motswana that you can easily relate to. Same with me maybe I really never gave it a chance to see beyond the stereotype. Or maybe I just happen to meet the the “ not so cool ones” .Iyo dear remember this isn’ t personal, we discussing the issue on table so why would I be defensive. I was just relaying my experience. Reply to Katli Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 Katli, i said it gives one an impression that you intimidated...obviously i wouldnt know your own reasons, but judging the reaction i got on the WC opening, they didnt even know me...but as soon as they realised that i''m here to stay they had to tolerate. Like Temba puts it ignore the reality yokuthi not sonke we like that, bebemane bebuza ukuthi what am i drinking? I would say: Juice, the disappoint...Anyway, i used to critisise my roomate(XH) for not crossing i-friendship, I kinder dont blame her. Bcos the others can make us very much uncomfortable...But i''m not here to axe Tswanas, i dont have anything against them, i was just sharing the inferiority i experience. Reply to P Posted by: Miss T | 2010/07/15 My personal take on this Xhosa not being liked by most of the other clans, is people believe you cannot be trusted. People have a misperception or the truth I don''t know that the word truth doesn''t exist in your dictionary.From my personal experience, I will rather not say anything. I prefer to remain optmistic that one day we will learn to live together and be tolerant of each other regardless of the clan or tribe one belongs to. I have friends across Tswanas,Bapedi, tsonga etc, but I don''t have a Xhosa friend. I don''t know why Reply to Miss T Posted by: showerhead | 2010/07/15 niyaphaphanithanda imali nicabanga ukuthi nibahlenithatha amdoda abantunicabanga ukuthi nifundile nicabanga ukuthi nihlakaniphe nodwanicabanga ukuthi yini nodwa who can be leadersAnd many other sins.......now from never stress about it sweetyMe knows that you are fabulous....ehh actually I have a thing for Xhosa women.Assertive, playful, straight to the point, experimental, intelligent and generally easy to get along with.......Xa ufaka i Savana nivani mpela.LOL Reply to showerhead Posted by: Oscar | 2010/07/15 This is funny cos me being tswana and having been living in cpt for the past five years i could say i have, to some extent expereinced the same treatment. i believe its just because people have this fear of something different whici manifests itselt as hatred.Its even worse cos here as long as ''they'' cant hear what you saying they brand you makwerekwere so meaning if you speak shangaan, tsonga, or whatever the locals cant understand then you ''one of them''. The same things have been happening throughout the continent for many years now and its a damn shame for black people. Reply to Oscar Posted by: iyo | 2010/07/15 Katli, why are you being defensive now, P didnt say you are intimidated, but makes one think you are. Reply to iyo Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 Like i said SH, unfortunately i''m surrounded by them.Be it at work, my adopted family...I dont have xhosa friends...My son is tswana remember? hence this is bugging me...Only babydaddy has never made any funny comments ke yena.You stand up for yourself " eish le xhosa le* heheheheAnd mina ke i''m not the type " who cares!" i do care. Bcos at some point umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu...Anyway...*sigh*, i''m not hating, wanted to understand nje...yini le ingaka esiyenzile? Reply to P Posted by: Temba | 2010/07/15 Roux. I saw that you put " bangakushaya" in quotes, which to me means quite the oppositeKatli why do mean when you say their behaviour and personalities are kind of alarming sometimes?The sad thing is, those who stereotype tend to ignore reality (what they see & know) in favour of what they hear from others about other ethnic groups.I''ve lived in Cape Town for 8 years and xhosas are quite nice people.Sadly, who are we to put an end to stereotypes when the educated ones and those who are in the know practise it. Reply to Temba Posted by: Katli | 2010/07/15 Friends, I beg to differ with the intimidation point. At least not for me. I absolutely don’ t feel intimidated at all, rather more like not wanting to be associated with things that xhosa girls will do or say in public sometimes . I hate to generalize but most of the xhosa’ s that I personally share moments with they turn to be, if you can allow me to use the word tjatjarag… The way you carry yourself, things you would say and do in public especially in the presence of the male species it’ s kind of embarrassing. Reply to Katli Posted by: showerhead | 2010/07/15 Ya nehI think it cut both ways P, maybe you feel like that because you are Xhosa, but unfortunatel other people`s perception of you are their reality. Take a look at this Mzulu oyimina, who has gone to school and would n`t hurt a fly......But still has to be told that Zulu`s are uneducated, aggressive and generally stupid. It`s these things that prevent us black people from advancing and prospering, hence the Xenophobia. If we cannot tolerate each other as South Africans how do we even begin to tolerate blacks from other parts of the continent. It really sad and it happens to all of us......just find yourself outnumbered by another ethnic group then you`ll be in for it. Reply to showerhead Posted by: P | 2010/07/15 I dont have to befriend any Tswana, unfortunately i''m surrounded by them. I have learnt to tolerate the attitude thrown at us, i cannot deny that xhosa''s do have a their own different behaviour, But i''ve learnt that most xhosa''s do it to spite due to the fact that we not anyone''s favourate, therefore why not. The attitude given to us because of the ancient struggle, has made us develop that selfishness. Doesnt it occur to others that the reaction we get could make us think it''s intimidation?, why give us that satisfaction? It make us feel big, siye sicabange ukuthi when i step in i make someone shiver...i''m not generalising, i know u and i are different...mina anyway i''m a people''s person...As a result my ex used to ukungithuka ngokuthi look at your fellow sister...calls us names bla bla bla...he didn change me, but i gave him excatly what he was asking for, so he can have something more to say about us... Reply to P Posted by: Roux | 2010/07/15 Not Ayoba, why are you missing the point?I put it in brackets to also indicate that it is a perception.Read my posting and clearly you would see that I dont discriminate because I am not myopic and tribalistic.Play the ball not the man. Reply to Roux Posted by: Not Ayoba | 2010/07/15 Akushayeleni amaZulu? its people like u Roux aba promoter i tribalism, then u blame it on apartheid .. Reply to Not Ayoba Posted by: Katli | 2010/07/15 Hehehehe! P my darlingI wish I had an answer for you, unfortunately not… I do agree with you though. By the way ke motswana, never had xhosa friend, and never even thought of having one. Lol! Mayb I just have not met the one that I can easily relate to. For me really not because I hate them but their behavior and personalities are kind of alarming sometimes… Reply to Katli Posted by: Roux | 2010/07/15 It is perceptions,unfortunately it is deeply embedded.There is a general mistrust of Xhosas and perpetual talks of Xhosa women taking their men.I have dated a Xhosa and you do find Tswana girls asking why did I choose her.It is small minded people.On the flip side,remember that there a general dissatisfaction with Xhosa with how they ran the country and plunged what used to be our home,Bophuthatswana into oblivion.Most of the cronysms in government includes Xhosas.Tribal fightings in the Rustenburg areas were between Xhosas and Tswana people.This can be seen as Xhosa trying to " invade" their territory.It then asks all of us to be patient in accepting and tolerating each other. Apartheid did a lot of damage, for us to see each other as enemies.It is hard to see a Zulu as an enemy because " bangakushaya" ,lol.Sothos and Pedis are generally accepted since they have been our neighbours. Dont take it personal,P. Reply to Roux Want to comment? Your name (optional) Your comment To prevent spam please solve this simple math problem: × Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly. × Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly. Reply to Your name (optional) Your comment To prevent spam please solve this simple math problem: Close Submit comment advertisement From our sponsors Occlusal disease, a modern day dental problem Breakfast like a King Alzheimer’s disease – incurable but preventable Cancer is a word that strikes fear into the hearts of many.