Our expert says:
Its nonsense for a divorced man to be giving money to his ex-wife, especially where she is re-maried, and should work out all financial issues on her own and with her husband - its intrusive for him to do this.
If they have a bond they really didn't want to break they shouldn't have got divorced, and shouldn't have got re-married or into another relationship. His explanation is really lame. This is a bad habit needing to be broken - or they should stop pretending, and re-marry. Otherwise it's highly unfair to you and to her new husband. ANd how does he feel about his wife needing financial sponsorship from her ex-husband ?
Its admirable to have an amicable divorce ( where there are good enough reasons for getting divorced ), but what you're describing is WAY beyond amicable. And his ex objects to her new husband being too friendly with HIS ex, and responds by getting too friendly with HER ex ?
You are entirely reasonable in findin this situation intolerable, and should put your foot down and insist that he decide who his partner is and is to be - he can't justify continuing this emotional bigamy.
Good heavens has it quite wrong. This goes FAR far beyond being a great father - she is leaping to conclusions that fit her own prejudices - we know nothing about how good his relationship with his kids actually is, or whether this arangement truly benefits them. Many divorced parents maintain excellent relationships with the kids, and friendly relationships with their ex, without this continuin financial sponsorship ( or is it bribery ? ) and emotional intimacy. Nicole also reads into your story what she seeks to find in it. Both of you are thinking of cuddly little children, not near-adults.
And Good Heavens's later abuse of Fed-up is entirely inappropriate, and speaks loudly of seething resentments within GH, rather than a useful objective response to fed-up's question. The later hysterical exaggeration of Fed-up's mild response to your vicious attack, shows that you really need good therapy, and to learn to stop projecting your inner problems and emotions onto other people.
If the kids need maintenance payments, it should be an agreed sum and paid specifically for the kids needs. This is quite different from the ex slipping payments to his ex-wife. As you hear in fed-up's response, most of what he does is for the EX, NOT for the kids. If she invites him for dinner, his current partner should also be invited - that's simple good manners.
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