Posted by: BB | 2008-11-25

wrong or right

my partner is very giving, more so when drunk, I get furniture, car, money, he pays for my kids to come up on holiday, buys gifts of whatever!! I live in his house with my child that he supports as his own of which I am grateful as he earns ten times the salary I do and spoils the child terribly, although I warn him but he just goes on, he loves the child.
But does he earn the right to cheat on me with prostitutes,treat me like low life when he feels like it, point out all that he has done for us although I never ask but am grateful.
It' s gotten so that I would be happy without all the things of this world than to have to take this abuse from him day in day out.
When drunk than he is king, flashing notes at everyone now one must beg of which I refuse to do, does it outside and gets payment in kind for it, is this life? he says I should be grateful of which I am.He calls out other womans names in his sleep, when drunk calls me thses names as well, I try telling him that it is heart sore to hear your man say he loves someone else when drunk and calls you by their names.
He never has sex with me, buys it rather, is this life, friends tell me to stick it because of money but money never buys happiness and I am now gat vol.Am I being stipid here, is this worth it to take all this abuse for money.

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Our expert says:
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You seem to be describing a more extreme than usual example of the Jekyll and Hyde nature of some abusers, who may even be genuinely kindly at times, between abusive episodes, but even their kindness is intended to control you, just as the abuse does. You need to decide whether the trade-off is acceptable to you. You can't stay with the generous guy qwithout also staying with the abuser in him. And by the way, if he is having sex with prostitutes, its probably just as well he does not have sex with you, as that would exposure you to all sorts of unpleasant infections. We all have a price, and you need to decide whether the unpleasant aspects of this relationship are, to you, worth the good paerts and profits. For most of us, I suspect the answer would be no.

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