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Question
Posted by: mikky | 2011/01/06

Would I feel differently?

Just a quick question .... Something is bugging me.

My BF has two kids from a previous marriage. We get along fine, they are sweet kids but I find myself not liking them because of the things that they do. I presume all kids do it. Whine, back chat, demand attention, sulk etc. And Im not saying they do it all the time, for the most part they are pleasant.

Weve spoken about marriage and having kids of our own, but Im starting to doubt whether I actually can be a mom. Would I feel differently about a child if it was my own? Would I be more tolerant and patient if I gave birth to that little person?

Im probably going to get told that Im subconscously jealous of the kids and the attention they get from their dad or I resent them for being a part of his life. And Ive thought about all that, but Im not sure.

I just worry that I bring a life into this world and Im not cut out to be a parent!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

With kids of your own, you have more sense of responsibility for how they are and how they behave, and more time to get used to them. And more chance to learn how a parent can create a structure of discipline and love that encourages children to behave better. Especially where kids come from a broken home, they can easily become more manipulative, feeling more uncertain.
I have no doubt that you are at least as "cut out to be a parent" as the rest of us, and much more than some.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Samantha | 2011/01/10

I am in the same situation, luckily, myself and my fiance agree on how to bring up kids. It is not right for a child to nag or back chat anyone let a lone adults...the problem might come in where your partner does not take control and shout them for doing that...maybe thats what is really making you upset. They are children, if nobody tells them to behave then they wont...its an ongoing process.... Try to teach them some things...make them listen to you, not by shouting but being involved in their lives, take the eldest child and ask him/her to help you with the small one be quiet or behave...give him /her the job, they will feel in control but by helping. the small child always follows the eldest .

Reply to Samantha
Posted by: Phil | 2011/01/06

Sadly, you will feel diffirent about your own kids. It isn''t very easy to really love other kids the same as your own, it takes a very special person to do this. It''s only human, but it can be done and you need to do a lot of soul searching. And the grown ups need to be on the same team at all times.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/06

With kids of your own, you have more sense of responsibility for how they are and how they behave, and more time to get used to them. And more chance to learn how a parent can create a structure of discipline and love that encourages children to behave better. Especially where kids come from a broken home, they can easily become more manipulative, feeling more uncertain.
I have no doubt that you are at least as "cut out to be a parent" as the rest of us, and much more than some.

Reply to cybershrink

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