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Question
Posted by: Susan | 2012/06/12

Worried Gran

Dear CS
Please assist me as I feel I am going to go crazy but don’ t know how to deal with this issue - My son has a beautiful little boy from a previous relationship which didn’ t work out. He met another very nice girl (so I thought) a while later and due to work commitments himself and the girlfriend went to live in another province. My grandson lives with his Mom in the same province as me and thank goodness that she allow myself and his father absolute access to the little guy as we love him desperately.. He then married this girl who within 18 months had one beautiful little child and is about to give birth to another. In all of this, the wife has remained terribly insecure about the first child and every time there is any opportunity for them to be together, she treats him badly and is pretty nasty to him but puts on an act for people about loving him. I of course have noticed it and on more than 5 occasions have had a blow up with her about it. The last blow up was just last month when I caught her being horrid to him and I pointed it out to his father. I have discussed this with my son and he is aware of it but makes all kinds of excuses and blames the fact that she is hormonal while pregnant and believes that all will be well. The problem now is that my grandsons mother is finding it difficult to bring this little guy up because he is so troubled and really does need his father and has suggested that he go and live with his father. The wife is pretending that all is fine and my son (even though he is aware of what has gone down) has got blinkers on and is hoping all will be well when the boy comes up to them. I am worrying myself sick about what further damage will be done to him as his father travels quite a bit and works long hours so he will be alone with her. I thought that my grandson would be ecstatic to go and live with his father because that is all he has ever wanted, but on the weekend, he said that he doesn’ t want to go as the wife hates him. I can promise you that in all of this, he has NO idea that I have picked her out about her treatment of him and in all this time, if you ask him how he feels about her,, he says he loves her - Just this weekend for him to come out and say he doesn''t want to go any longer and giving his reason why was heart-breaking for me. His mother is willing to hand him over not being aware of how this women treats him and I feel bad that I am just keeping quiet. Please CS, can you advise what would be best here as i really do not want this little guy to go through more heartache.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is, of course, unacceptably cruel and selfish for this second woman to choose to be cruel and unaccepting of the first little boy, who is entirely innocent and deserves nothing but love.
But it is the absolute duty of the child's father to deal with this and to proptect his son. He should never have agreed to marry any other woman, nor to have children with her, before it was clear between them that she accepted and would love his firstborn child.
It is he who must discuss this with her and make it clear that all the children must be treated with equal love and caring. He must take his blinkers off and see the truth, and you can help to make sure that this happens.
Of course the boy feels troubled and rejected, being treated differently from his father's other children.
Don't keep your concerns a secret, as his father and mother, and his father's new wife, all have to recognize that as responsible adults, there duty os to care for the child

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/12

It is, of course, unacceptably cruel and selfish for this second woman to choose to be cruel and unaccepting of the first little boy, who is entirely innocent and deserves nothing but love.
But it is the absolute duty of the child's father to deal with this and to proptect his son. He should never have agreed to marry any other woman, nor to have children with her, before it was clear between them that she accepted and would love his firstborn child.
It is he who must discuss this with her and make it clear that all the children must be treated with equal love and caring. He must take his blinkers off and see the truth, and you can help to make sure that this happens.
Of course the boy feels troubled and rejected, being treated differently from his father's other children.
Don't keep your concerns a secret, as his father and mother, and his father's new wife, all have to recognize that as responsible adults, there duty os to care for the child

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