Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-07-22

Worried about money in our marriage

Subject: Worried about money in our marriage
Posted by: Anonymous | 20/7/2009

We have lived together for 6 months now and things are not right for us in the house we are staying with a stepdaughter and what I have noticed is that the father is fond of the daughter since we have lived together I am not given anything but I am telling you the daughter is first and I am last.

Yesterday I had to wash my hair and go to the salon but I did not have even a sent so I decided to call my sister and ask her for money she said she will give me on Monday. I am working but I cannot afford to do anything because I have to buy food and other staff for the baby so I cannot do things for myself. Late last night he gave the daughter money for salon and asked me when am I going to the salon I told him my sister will give me money I dont know when. He gave me R100 I dont know whether I am someone who is mad or what but I told him not to give me because he has so many things.

I am not a funny person but what makes me sick about this man is he does not give me money because he wants me its because he has given to the daughter, I asked him from when did he give me money he said he will give me everymonth for the hair I just left it there.

I dont know whether I am right or wrong I have decided that it is best that I dont take his money so that I dont give to him because everytime I ask he will say I should also give and he wants me to pay for his debts I am so sorry i am not there to be abused I have decided I have to do my own things and he has to do his.

The other thing is that I have asked him will he be able to afford to support 2 families as he has another child outside the child will only call at the end of the month and next month its her babies birthday I think he will provide for that birthday.

I have sat down and told myself this is wrong but I need second view from other people because maybe I am wrong myself.

We will be getting married soon what makes me worried again is whether to sign in c ommunity of property or out because of what I see happening.

Please assist I am so worried I need more advices.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously a father has duties towards his daughter, but these do not take precedence over his equal duties to his wife. And to his new child --- why is he not paying the expenses of the baby ? Is he considering you simply an unpaid housekeeper ? But why id you get morem angry when he DID give you the money for your hair and offer to do thi each month ? It is his problem to work harder or extra jobs, to pay for all these babies --- a responsible man does not father babies with different women, and not until he is certain he ca aford to pay all their expenses.
Get a legal opinion, and don't rush into going ahead with the marriage until everything has been properly worked out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Huh | 2009-07-22

Do you really have to go to the Salon every month? I mean I understand once or twice a year (or every third month for those that can afford it) but every month??? Of course he' s going to give his daughter money because she isn' t working! Ask him to buy things for the house hold and the baby so you have some money for yourself.

Reply to Huh

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