Our expert says:
I see from the discussion that you have never experienced an orgasm before and so this is something that you still have to learn about. You are correct that there are some women who never experience orgasm...that said, many do albeit rarely on every occasion! The female orgasm is not as reliable as the male's and, like the rest of the sexual response, is sensitive to things like distraction, self-consciousness and pressure you put on yourself... There are a number of factors to exclude first though: 1) some medication can make orgasm difficult (e.g. many popular antidepressants); 2) if you are not being stimulated adequately you will struggle to experience the peak of pleasure; 3) check that your expectations are not too high - orgasms vary in intensity but usually include the relief of sexual tension after the build up in arousal and a rhythmic contraction of the vagina/uterus (feels like a pulsing)...some women expect more what we see in movies which is not always realistic.
I would encourage you to learn first about your own sexual response via self stimulation because you can change the tempo/friction as required, if you struggle with this perhaps consider a sex toy and I'd encourage you to use a lubricant (e.g. Play by Durex, Sylk, Astroglide). You could also explore enhancing your arousal by way of fantasy. Whatever you do, do not 'chase' an orgasm or put yourself under any pressure to experience an orgasm - you need to let go and go with the sensations; follow your body.
If you struggle with this, I recommend that you consult with a sex therapist to do a more indepth assessment of possible factors that could be further hampering your progress. Remember though, sex does not require an orgasm to be complete; but I understand that it would be nice to experience...
Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
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