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Question
Posted by: sara | 2011/10/18

Worried

Been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. But i have trouble reaching an orgasm. Pls help! What can we do??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi Sara,

I see from the discussion that you have never experienced an orgasm before and so this is something that you still have to learn about. You are correct that there are some women who never experience orgasm...that said, many do albeit rarely on every occasion! The female orgasm is not as reliable as the male's and, like the rest of the sexual response, is sensitive to things like distraction, self-consciousness and pressure you put on yourself... There are a number of factors to exclude first though: 1) some medication can make orgasm difficult (e.g. many popular antidepressants); 2) if you are not being stimulated adequately you will struggle to experience the peak of pleasure; 3) check that your expectations are not too high - orgasms vary in intensity but usually include the relief of sexual tension after the build up in arousal and a rhythmic contraction of the vagina/uterus (feels like a pulsing)...some women expect more what we see in movies which is not always realistic.

I would encourage you to learn first about your own sexual response via self stimulation because you can change the tempo/friction as required, if you struggle with this perhaps consider a sex toy and I'd encourage you to use a lubricant (e.g. Play by Durex, Sylk, Astroglide). You could also explore enhancing your arousal by way of fantasy. Whatever you do, do not 'chase' an orgasm or put yourself under any pressure to experience an orgasm - you need to let go and go with the sensations; follow your body.

If you struggle with this, I recommend that you consult with a sex therapist to do a more indepth assessment of possible factors that could be further hampering your progress. Remember though, sex does not require an orgasm to be complete; but I understand that it would be nice to experience...

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Tom | 2011/10/18

So you had one before but not with your current partner. Every women i have been with had an orgasm. I also agree with MJ, be patient it will happen and dont stress too much about it

Reply to Tom
Posted by: Sara | 2011/10/18

Thx MJ. Am also in my mid 20''s. Cant realy say that i''ve ever had 1 b4.. Tom its possible to be even 60 &  nevr cud hav had an orgasm. Am glad to hear Im not the only one who experience this

Reply to Sara
Posted by: Mj | 2011/10/18

Hi Sara,

its really not that uncommon. you can try and touch yourself and find out what pleases you and then guide him to doing that.
alternatively ready up hunny, there is so much information in books and on the internet.
if you are really worried and can spare the cash, you can always seek advise from a professional, get a gynea examination see that everything is in order and they can refer you to an expert if need be.
you need to find out what workd for you in your own time, i myself have the same issue, and i have been sexually active for a few years now, i am in my mid twenties and only recently achieved my first orgasm. give yourself time and be patient :)

best of luck

Reply to Mj
Posted by: Tom | 2011/10/18

Are u saying that you never reached an orgasm? How old are you?

Reply to Tom
Posted by: Sara | 2011/10/18

Haven''t tried that out yet..

Reply to Sara
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011/10/18

Can you reach an orgasm on your own? If so, show him what he must do!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/10/18

Hi Sara,

I see from the discussion that you have never experienced an orgasm before and so this is something that you still have to learn about. You are correct that there are some women who never experience orgasm...that said, many do albeit rarely on every occasion! The female orgasm is not as reliable as the male's and, like the rest of the sexual response, is sensitive to things like distraction, self-consciousness and pressure you put on yourself... There are a number of factors to exclude first though: 1) some medication can make orgasm difficult (e.g. many popular antidepressants); 2) if you are not being stimulated adequately you will struggle to experience the peak of pleasure; 3) check that your expectations are not too high - orgasms vary in intensity but usually include the relief of sexual tension after the build up in arousal and a rhythmic contraction of the vagina/uterus (feels like a pulsing)...some women expect more what we see in movies which is not always realistic.

I would encourage you to learn first about your own sexual response via self stimulation because you can change the tempo/friction as required, if you struggle with this perhaps consider a sex toy and I'd encourage you to use a lubricant (e.g. Play by Durex, Sylk, Astroglide). You could also explore enhancing your arousal by way of fantasy. Whatever you do, do not 'chase' an orgasm or put yourself under any pressure to experience an orgasm - you need to let go and go with the sensations; follow your body.

If you struggle with this, I recommend that you consult with a sex therapist to do a more indepth assessment of possible factors that could be further hampering your progress. Remember though, sex does not require an orgasm to be complete; but I understand that it would be nice to experience...

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to Sexologist

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