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Posted by: Worried | 2010/10/04

Worried

When we met he wasnt working and i was and i had no problems with him being unemployed as he was finishing his Degree. He got an intern in an IT company and can afford to take me out. I recently baught a car of which he cant drive as he can only drive an Automatic car due to his leg being ampited. We usually fight and in most cases he makes me feel bad for buying a manual car. He says hurtful things like i ill treat him because he has nothing (hence i took him while he was still at school AND NO!! I DIDNT GO TO VASITY MYSELF I JUST WENT STRAIGHT TO WORK,HE IS 2YRS OLDER THAN ME)
I am worried that our relationship is getting affected by all this.please help. we used to fight before but now that there is a car in the picture its worse

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, so you in a way supported him while he was finishing his degree. But now he has a good job, and can afford to look after himself and to entertain you.
IF he can't drive a manual car, for a really good reason, why, actually, did you buy one ? Surely that was intended to be hurtful to him, or to prevent him from being able to use your car ? That really is a puzzle needing to be solved.
If you value this relationship, talk this over calmly with him, and suggest that you see a couples counsellor together, to understand better whatever is going on, and to sort things out as far as possible

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Worried | 2010/10/04

Thanks for the reply

To answer the question of not buying an automatic car is because i cant afford it. He is an intern and they are not paying him well so he cant afford his own car too and the reason i baught this car is because i could see we hardly enjoy going out as we have to head back home before the taxis are finished and i also felt for him as he is permanantely to use a crunch.

Reply to Worried
Posted by: Liza | 2010/10/04

You bought a car that he can''t drive and now he''s upset? Good Grief! It''s YOUR car! He shouldn''t expect you to spend more money on a car just so that he can drive! If he wants an automatic car - he should buy his own - when he can afford it. If this is a problem for him - it''s HIS problem, not yours!

I was unemployed when I married my ex-husband. I was also studying at the time. My husband had his bakkie - but I never drove it. I either got a lift, or I used public transport. Then when I got an IT intern job after my studies, I bought my own car!

He''s just trying to make you feel guilty for having more at the moment than he has. This is actually a form of mental abuse and should preferably be discussed in couples counseling. If he isn''t willing to go for counseling, I would suggest that you cut your losses and find someone who won''t take advantage of you like your boyfriend obviously does.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/04

OK, so you in a way supported him while he was finishing his degree. But now he has a good job, and can afford to look after himself and to entertain you.
IF he can't drive a manual car, for a really good reason, why, actually, did you buy one ? Surely that was intended to be hurtful to him, or to prevent him from being able to use your car ? That really is a puzzle needing to be solved.
If you value this relationship, talk this over calmly with him, and suggest that you see a couples counsellor together, to understand better whatever is going on, and to sort things out as far as possible

Reply to cybershrink

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