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Question
Posted by: Trust | 2009-11-18

Worried

I have to let it out,I am dying.inside<br>I have a friend whom I met tertiary. In 2007.so she stays in bloem.i stay in jhb.

I started working last year, i moved in with my bf last year. she used to come visit at my place when I was staying alone. I had no problem..she has a aunt this side but they don’ t get along.

Shes still looking for a job so she went and stayed at her bfs home, but he lost his job and they started complaining that she cant stay and not buy food. This happened recently so she asked to come over to our place. Now she and her bf are not in good terms - she also said how her bf wasnt givin her sex anymore. I cant say no I have to be there for her, that’ s how it shud be and always has been. Sis still looking for a job and has a promise for next year. I love helping her.

Now I have to leave early for work. My boyfriend drops me at the taxis and goes back home to bath then go to work as he works around where we stay. But somehow it is not ok with me - I cant explain how I feel, but what if something happens while im not there? she sleeps on the couch in the dining room.i know im supposed to trust them but something in me just wont. They never gave me a reason not to, its just a feeling I get

Please advise. Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, lets see what other people think. Personally, I don't believe it is compulsory for you to "be there for" a friend, if this involves intolerable pressures or inconveniences for you, or where it involves actually supporting the friend in ways that enable him or her to behave foolishly and self-damagingly. If she wants to jump off a cliff, you do not need to "be there for her" and help her to jump.

I understand that you feel uneasy about the possibility that there might be something going on between her and your bf, and you could be right or wrong about this. Can you discuss this calmly with him, and explore how he feels about this ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Mymy | 2009-11-18

Iyo wa chancer stru! Monna le mosadi together every morning and she is not getting from boyfie anymore? U playing with fire mosadi.

ke December let her go back home and she will return when the new JOB is finalised.

Reply to Mymy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-18

Well, lets see what other people think. Personally, I don't believe it is compulsory for you to "be there for" a friend, if this involves intolerable pressures or inconveniences for you, or where it involves actually supporting the friend in ways that enable him or her to behave foolishly and self-damagingly. If she wants to jump off a cliff, you do not need to "be there for her" and help her to jump.

I understand that you feel uneasy about the possibility that there might be something going on between her and your bf, and you could be right or wrong about this. Can you discuss this calmly with him, and explore how he feels about this ?

Reply to cybershrink

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