Posted by: Slowdeath | 2009/05/28

Working with ex

I am working abroad for 3 years now (away from family and support structure) I have been involved with someone for the last 2 years that is 11 years younger than me (I am 37, he is 26). The problems between us basically came down to him spending most of his free time with his friends. We have been together for 2 years and he has not yet told his family about me (they live in Lebanon) or introduced me to any of his friends...basically our relationship is a secret. We work together as well and in the office we also have to pretend. I felt we were just in a relationship within the confines of my apartment. He would go out with his friends on both evenings of the weekends and when I complained he told me I am trying to control him and that he is not free to do what he wants. After 2 years I couldnt take this anymore and I called it quits. My problem is that I still se him every day and that is slowly eating away at me. I feel I am dying a slow death as I can not get this behind me and carry on with live..everywhere I turn there is a reminder. I am tearful at work and battle to concentrate. I know there is not much to do about the situation but I am looking for advise on how to cope with the situation (which i feel I am not doing very well at the moment).

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Our expert says:
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One wonders why he chooses to keep this relaonship so secret from family AND friends. Sometimes a family might have very conservative views about relationships, or might have cultural objections, but generally his friends should have similar views to his own. So one wonders.
Similarly, office romances can have a number of difficult complications. But a one-room relationship is odd, and suggests a degree of using rather than relating. Obviously, it was not you controlling him, but he, using these circumstances, controlling you. But it sounds as though you ended the relatonship socially and geographically rather than emotionally. Counselling may be wise to help you truly pu this behind you, to get over the disappointment and altered dreams. Changing a habit, maybe especialyl a bad habit, is dificult to do, but it gets easier

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/05/28

I applaud you for ending that so called relationship, I know it couldn' t have been easy but you have taken a huge step in the right direction. There are going to be moments were you miss him and miss being together but you have the power not to think that way, be content you didn' t settle for second best like so many women do and who then spend the rest of their lives regretting it- you deserve so much more go out there and get it.

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