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Question
Posted by: E | 2011/09/23

Work hassles

Morning Dr

I''m in a spot of trouble at work. I have a very explosive personality - have forever tried to change, but can''t. Don''t know what to change to. Anyway, have been stressed out a lot these last couple of months. Have really just tried to do my work. I''m a perfectionist and really give the girl I work with a lot of grieve because she just doesn''t bring her side. Ag, anyway, we have tenants and we''ve been having problems with a tenant who''s office is right next to ours. They keep smoking in the passage and the smoke comes right in our office. So, yesterday I just lost it and went in there office and - I was very angry, but did not raise my voice, asked the person who smokes to please just kill the sigarette as it was lying in the ashtray and still smouldering making our whole office smell. So, their MD told me to go to the next office and ask them as well, which I did. Anyway, they told my MD that if I don t write them a letter of apology in 24 hours they will cancel their lease agreement. Which we all know that they dont have any legal ground to stand on. Anyway, now he told me infront of the whole office that I have to do it and I said fine, but it is against everything in me to write this stupid letter!!! Everytime I start writing I just think of further bad things I should have said and wanted to say to them yesterday and I''m so frustrated that I lost my cool like that and of course it wasn''t even such a big deal to have it escalate to this situation is unthinkable. They are really super childish. ANd to make matters worse the girl who I work with is now so smug, because I messed up. So, I''m sitting here, feeling like an idiot and actually just trying to think of how a non emotional unstable person would react, because now I''m already crying - at work. I hate this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, it might be useful to see a psychologist, preferably one of the CBT format, to learn how to control that explosive habit better. What you'd best change to you can discuss with him;her, but at least to someone who can choose when its worthwhile and advantageous exploding and when not.
In the case you describe, DO, definitely, report all of them to the authorities for running an improperly unhealthy office by allowing and indeed encouraging smoking in ways that expose innocent and unaddicted people to second-hand smoke. I would think the landlord could also be liable.
Your MD is reacting in an unhelpful way. Maybe you can write an accurate letter, specifying ( do a bit of online research about the relevant law and regulations ) that you apologise that they were upset when you asked them ( as if your right under law / regulation whatever ) to stop smoking ( which is contrary to laws/regulatiosn whatever ) ; that you were concerned not to offend them but to ask for them to respect your rights as a non-smoker, and to suggest they all, tenants and landlord, adhere scrupulously to the requirements of law and regulations intended to protect everyone's health.
The do report them, and insist on your legal protections as a whistle-blower who had to blow the whistler while you still had enough breath left.
I have no respect whatever for smokers who insist on polluting shared environments and damaging the health of other people. Their right to smoke ends where your nostrils begin.
The French have a splendid term for the other thing you are expericing, of thinking of the brilliant things you might have said. They talk of "pensees d'escaliers", or "thoughts on the stairs" - the thoughts you have as you're walking downstairs, of the things you'd like to have said upstairs.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/24

OK, it might be useful to see a psychologist, preferably one of the CBT format, to learn how to control that explosive habit better. What you'd best change to you can discuss with him;her, but at least to someone who can choose when its worthwhile and advantageous exploding and when not.
In the case you describe, DO, definitely, report all of them to the authorities for running an improperly unhealthy office by allowing and indeed encouraging smoking in ways that expose innocent and unaddicted people to second-hand smoke. I would think the landlord could also be liable.
Your MD is reacting in an unhelpful way. Maybe you can write an accurate letter, specifying ( do a bit of online research about the relevant law and regulations ) that you apologise that they were upset when you asked them ( as if your right under law / regulation whatever ) to stop smoking ( which is contrary to laws/regulatiosn whatever ) ; that you were concerned not to offend them but to ask for them to respect your rights as a non-smoker, and to suggest they all, tenants and landlord, adhere scrupulously to the requirements of law and regulations intended to protect everyone's health.
The do report them, and insist on your legal protections as a whistle-blower who had to blow the whistler while you still had enough breath left.
I have no respect whatever for smokers who insist on polluting shared environments and damaging the health of other people. Their right to smoke ends where your nostrils begin.
The French have a splendid term for the other thing you are expericing, of thinking of the brilliant things you might have said. They talk of "pensees d'escaliers", or "thoughts on the stairs" - the thoughts you have as you're walking downstairs, of the things you'd like to have said upstairs.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Mime | 2011/09/23

Dear E
Give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. Like Romany says, write the letter and then report them. When they get hit with a hefty fine you can be the one feeling smug.

Reply to Mime
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/23

You know what... just write the letter. Whatever, you do not have to mean a word you say.
Then, give it a week and report the to the Department of Health anonomously for smoking in an office building....which is against the law and which they will be fined for.
Just " nod and smile" . you will make your point in due course :)

Reply to Romany

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