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Question
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2011/06/28

Women with kids

I am seeing a women with two young kids from her previous relationships, different fathers. The kids are still young and cause a lot of chaos like any kids. The problem is I do not seem to be tolerant and get irritated. I am pretending to be ok with them but really i can not take it. We are not living together but visiting regularly. I told her I am not prepared for this but she insist that I will get used to them.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Notice how this question echoes the content of the neighbouring question ? The relationship can't be based on your always pretending to love kids. The children are an essential and integral part of her. You cannot have any proper or serious relationship with her, without accepting and growing to like, if not love, her children. It'd be like saying that you love her so much, but not her left leg.
Its not clear whether you dislike only these particular kids, but it sounds as though you're not to fond of children as a species. Sometimes that's a matter of needing more naturity, to grow up more, before settling in a relaionship. And if you are having or planning to have sex with her, you may well end up with children of your own, so it'd be a good idea to grow to like children.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2011/06/28

and when I say ''lids'', obviously, I mean kids *blush*

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Woman | 2011/06/28

I once dated a man who promised he would ''try'' to like my kids. I told him that him rejecting my children felt like a rejection of me.

Eventually he said that maybe he could see a future with me if I split up the kids and send one to their father. In the end, he basically asked me to choose between my flesh and blood and him. I chose my kids. off course and obviously.

Today I am disappointed in myself that I entertained his fantasies. I should have kicked him to the curb as soon as my lids became an issue. Hell, I should have run a mile when he brought them up as an issue. But I didn''t, because, like your girlfriend, I thought that he would get to know them and hopefully like them, and maybe even love them. He loved his single life more, and didn''t want what I did.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Honestly Saying | 2011/06/28

You need to get out of this relationship, if only for the sake of those children. If you can ''t tolerate them at this early stage of the relationship, you will NEVER tolerate them, and thats going to end up in fights all round, and some very sad little people who will feel unloved because their mommy cares more for you than for their feelings.

Reply to Honestly Saying
Posted by: QQ | 2011/06/28

The kids will always be first in her life. It is better you find someone without children.
It is not easy to tolerate other men''s children especially if you do not have your own.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Phil | 2011/06/28

It''s not fair on the kids  they never asked to be here. You don''t tolerate them  and that wil create problems. You know what the best option is out of this one.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/28

Notice how this question echoes the content of the neighbouring question ? The relationship can't be based on your always pretending to love kids. The children are an essential and integral part of her. You cannot have any proper or serious relationship with her, without accepting and growing to like, if not love, her children. It'd be like saying that you love her so much, but not her left leg.
Its not clear whether you dislike only these particular kids, but it sounds as though you're not to fond of children as a species. Sometimes that's a matter of needing more naturity, to grow up more, before settling in a relaionship. And if you are having or planning to have sex with her, you may well end up with children of your own, so it'd be a good idea to grow to like children.

Reply to cybershrink

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