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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-08

Women - Why are they so weird?

Hey,

I' m trying to figure out women, I don' t think that I ever will. I' m a single guy. A nice guy as they say. I' m a professional. I have ambition and etc and blah blah.

I find the dating " game"  hard. Why must I obide by rules? The three day rule, the sms rule etc. Why can' t it be, that if you meet someone, you call her and ask her out? Why is it such a big thing? I swear the women that I meet must read " Lets do coffee, as I want to marry you" .

I don' t get it. I expect the same from someone that I give of myself.

What do I mean. If I phone you, answer the call? I met this girl a while back, she always returns my calls, but it' s forever, going straight to voicemail. Why screen my call? I know that she is, ' cos i' ve called her out on it.

And another thing, why can' t these girls get over their ex' s? Jeez, move on. You broke up. I' m not the only one having this problem, a friend met a girl, but she wants to be friends cos she' s heart broken, grow up!

I' ve always struggled to meet a nice girl. I' ve had to lower my standards quite a lot. Even those are still too high. I' ll get a number, i' ll send her a text message and she wont reply. Or i' ll phone her and it will go to voice mail. Why does that happen? Please dont say ' cos she is busy. I' m busy too... but I ALWAYS answer my cell regardless of who it is. If I dont, i return the call within the next hour.

I' ll send a text to a girl, she' ll respond 6 hours later. Why? Does she have any idea how that impacts on me waiting for a response???

Is there something I am doing wrong? Should I not be readily available? As in, If she calls, DONT answer? But call back later at my convenience?

I don' t get it.

What do I do? Do I start acting like a jerk?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It can be immensely frustrating finding a partner and I have no doubt that some people do play games/act hard to get and so on. It is complicated when you are a little more mature, know what you want for yourself and already have a busy professional life; as most of the women you will be dating will be in a similar boat. If you are a little older, then it makes sense that you are going to meet women who have had difficult breakups, and some who haven't. That now comes with the territory and so you have to just face that unfortunately.

I think that you should feel free act as you are comfortable to act, in other words, send messages or call when you want to (within respectful limits - i.e. not the middle of the night), say if you are not interested in friendship but rather want a relationship. Rather than trying to read minds, why don't you just ask her how she feels about you calling as you do, or ask her why she appears to screen her calls. Whilst you may be right, you may also be assuming too much that her actions are about you (e.g. she may be screening calls from someone else, not you! she may be busy and not able to return an sms). It seems like you are being a little hard on yourself; you need to relax and let be what will be. Ultimately your partner need to know who you are if she is going to see whether you 'fit' her or not (she can't do this if you are playing a part). The reverse is true too, you need to see if she is going to 'fit' you and if you think she doesn't, then you can vote with your feet.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-12

Why are you lowering your standards? I feel that you are setting yourself up for disaster. No matter how many times I' ve been disappointed, I have never lowered my standards.

May I know what your standards are? If they are too high, i' ll let you know then you can ajust them accordingly.

Hope you have a good day - Geena

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Geena | 2009-05-12

I' d like to know where you find these girls, because from the way you have described yourself &  the manner in which you speak, you seem like a genuinely nice guy. If you are, you shouldn' t be getting that sort of response, because a major topic among women today is that they can' t find decent men.

I figure, it means one of the following things:
1) They aren' t into you &  don' t know how to let you down gently
2) They are just not into you at all &  couldn' t care less (you shouldn' t feel bad about this)
3) They are into you, but are playing some hard-to-get game that we often find in the magazines that we read (apparently most men enjoy the chase). Which, by the way, will explain all those wacko rules you' ve mentioned. I must say I haven' t a clue what they' re about. I follow my own dating etiquette.
4) They are into you, but they' re scared. The amount of creeps out there is unbelievable &  it certainly is a necessity to be cautious &  safe, in which case they' ll be holding you at arm' s length until they feel that they' ve figured you out enough to let you in.

As for ex' s... If they tell you about their ex it usually is for a reason. That reason differs among women but I' ve found that its usually the woman' s way of indirectly saying " I' m trusting you - please don' t hurt me like he did" . You should be gentle, allow her to vent (maybe she just feels like getting it off her chest). Maybe she wants you to join the conversation &  share something from your past. Humour her.

Look, in general - just be honest. Say what you feel (while being sensitive), ask how she feels &  then be empathic. Whatever you do, don' t assume you know what she means if she' s being cryptic. Women will encrypt things if they aren' t quite sure how to voice it or if they feel they can' t say it directly.

Well, I hope I' ve been helpful...
&  when I start dating again, I hope I meet someone like you :-)
oh &  please don' t start acting like a jerk - stay as sweet as you are :-D

Reply to Geena
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-11

Well, I' m a woman and I could' ve written the same thing about men! I was trying to figure this much older guy out, and I told him from the get go I' m not interested in playing games, or anything casual. Now I managed to develop feelings for him, and he is being elusive and playing me. SO I tell him, cheers, that' s it, and he ignores any serious mails and just pretends like nothing happened i.e. he doesn' t want to date me, but he doesn' t want to lose me either. What a prick, I' m so over it!
Personally, I prefer to be upfront and honest with a guy, and if they can' t handle it, then it' s their loss. I too am sick of the games, it' s so unecessary.....!

Reply to Anonymous

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