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Question
Posted by: miri | 2010-01-22

Women having affairs

it would seem that more women these days are or would like to or on the verge of having affairs on their b/f or husbands. I used to look down on a women who would do that but when you feel lonely and your partner has changed you values change too and suddenly attention from other men becomes appealing. It is sad to see that men are not willing to go the extra mile to also keep the spark alive. Women always blamed for getting fat etc and not keeping the flame but it would seem men cannot keep up with simply just a kiss good bye, a compliment etc after a few yrs its all gone out window. Most women on this forum have a healthy above average sex drive (yes sum of us do have that , an appetite that can even match a man' s) but those seem to be the very one' s neglected by the men who Suddenly dont want sex etc. Women will have an affair if a gentleman comes along and is willing to make them feel good emotionally and in bed! thats what its come to now. The tables have turned and women can also give up just maybe not so quickly like men are willing to to have an affair. I can also guarantee that most women having affairs are doing so not only out of pure HURT but because the person they carefully agree to having the affair with has them emotionally connceted and maybe even in love with the man, women rarely do it just for sexual pleasure there is always a greater and very divine spark and interest in the man. Unfortunately most men having affairs with women attached are only in it for hte sex - the little somethign they cant get at home that they hope to get from a stranger.

Lets debate this as adults, maturely and wisely and see what the ladies and gentlemen think about above?
My questions:
1. If a man has ED does he mostly become disinteresed in sex or will he try to fite the defeat by wanting it more?
2. To the men: if you marry a good looking, good bod women and she becomes overweight slightly maybe after babies, does the feeling for her deflate with the looks? or is there hope? i mean do men really really marry for love and emotion rahter than looks? i dont think so.
3. From a male point of view what is the one thing your partner can do for you that would make you want to love her and stay faitful - is it lingerie/etc etc? how important are all those things?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Whew, it looks like you have a number of concerns. I will try to address those which are more professionally related and will leave your questions for the broader male population to respond to.

First and foremost, if have man experiences problems with his erection he can have a number of responses (one would be avoiding sex to avoid the shame he might feel, another might be constantly trying to 'test' himself by initiating sex to check that he can still 'function'). Ultimately, however, he must please have a physical check up with a doctor as he could be having an early warning sign of a significant health problem (e.g. cardiovascular disease).

In response to women and affairs - not a question but part of your statement: you are correct that more women are having affairs (or at least more women are admitting to it that was previously the case, such that the percentage of women is now similar to the percentage of men having affairs. I would, however, like to clarify that not all women have affairs because of hurt; this may be true for some but not all women having affairs.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fed up | 2010-01-28

I feel exactly the same. i have a high sex drive. I sometimes so badly want to just jump on top of my husband &  do all kinds of things to him, but I knw i' ll get a respons like, no not now, i am tired, but he' s no longer employed. So i have decided enough is enough , its been almost a year since we had sex &  have actually found the perfect guy to have an affair with &  I just knw he will be gud. He' s an old BF &  he' s the same guy i' ve always known, just sexier.

Reply to Fed up
Posted by: anon | 2010-01-27


Miri, i agree with u 100%. I am in a similiar position, but there is no way i would have an affair. I am too afraid of the consequences. I am married to a very successful businessman, who is kind hearted, and treats me very well. We have two gorgeous kids, and from the outside, things look so perfect.
To be honest, we are like worlds apart. I crave the the gentle touch of a man, someone who is loving and caring, and who would make time to sit and chat with me. Material things mean nothing to me. cant remember when last my husband and i had sex. I just suffer in silence. R there other woman out there like me? Or am i just the only crazy person around?

Reply to anon
Posted by: Shane | 2010-01-26

Miri,
I must admit that I disagree with you up to a certain extent. I consider myself to be a fairly goodlooking Guy. I have a healthy sexual appetite. I' ve been married for 10 Years Now. My Wife was extremely sexy when we got married. I found her even sexier after the birth of our first child.
But then we had our 2nd baby and my wife picked up some serious weight. Why? - I have no idea. she eats like a Horse and has lost her compassion, romance aswell as her sexual appetite. My heart burns for the Great sex we had. I miss the way she would lie with her head om my chest at night - and we would talk in the dark for hours - about all sorts of things. So you see - it' s not just about the sex. Yes - I would enjoy sex everyday - all day - whatever. But I need that companionship too. I don' t get that anymore and if i met a Wonderfull woman who could listen and enjoy my company - and also give great sex - I would not hesitate to have an affair. Don' t mention a marriage counsellor or therapist. That' s not an option. So you see Dear Miri - it really does work both ways.

Reply to Shane
Posted by: Sid | 2010-01-25

Anon

The correct one, it is maritalaffair.co.za

Reply to Sid
Posted by: Anon | 2010-01-25

Sid

There is no such site

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Lady | 2010-01-25

Some men don' t talk if something is wrong - they just push you away and ignore you. Surely if he is not satisfied at home an affair should not be the first resort - talk to your woman first, it takes 2 to tango. It hurts so much to be sexually rejected. I am going through it now - my man can' t even kiss me and I have no idea why. Just out of the blue. Now how am I supposed to fix something if I don' t even know what is wrong. And I can feel that it is not just sexual, it is emotional too. It feels like he is annoyed by the very presence of me, but he refuses to talk about it. Now what is a woman supposed to do.

Reply to Lady
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-01-25

Whew, it looks like you have a number of concerns. I will try to address those which are more professionally related and will leave your questions for the broader male population to respond to.

First and foremost, if have man experiences problems with his erection he can have a number of responses (one would be avoiding sex to avoid the shame he might feel, another might be constantly trying to 'test' himself by initiating sex to check that he can still 'function'). Ultimately, however, he must please have a physical check up with a doctor as he could be having an early warning sign of a significant health problem (e.g. cardiovascular disease).

In response to women and affairs - not a question but part of your statement: you are correct that more women are having affairs (or at least more women are admitting to it that was previously the case, such that the percentage of women is now similar to the percentage of men having affairs. I would, however, like to clarify that not all women have affairs because of hurt; this may be true for some but not all women having affairs.

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Sid | 2010-01-23

I understand the situation from the man point if view, I' m a married man for 7 years, and we have a ggood relationship with my wife. However, the difference alway come when we enter the bad room. She has no desire for sex since we get married. for 7 years supported her thinking thing will change and she will start to get her drive high. when having sex doens' t even wnat to cares my body.

I' m currently getting frastrated,. i took a step and went to discuss the issue with her close grandmother to assist in this problem. she talk to her but there seems to be no change

I have currently registered on Maritalaffairs.co.za to get a sex partner who wants sex with no string attached to supplement the drought at home.

My view is that sex is natural human need and should be satisfied for one to live normal

Reply to Sid
Posted by: Ja | 2010-01-23

Any sexual disfunction should be addresses - from both sides whether you want to or not. This is part of your marriage vows and responsibility towards your relationship.

Its not so much the looks. Yes, it does carry weight but everyone grows older and probably put on some weight. Goes for both?

Loving attention will keep me true. Lots of it.
Sexual starvation makes staying faithfull very difficult.

Reply to Ja

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