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Question
Posted by: Wondering | 2009-05-24

Witholding

Hi There

I Would really like to know if one is witholding of sex completly can this affect his sexual drive later on in life. I' m a young man in my late 20' s and i' m still a virgin because of religious believes. Will this affect my sexual drive and will i' ll be to do the deed when deceiding to have sex. Another question can this witholding causes me to thinking of sex with other men, i' ve been having these dreams the past few years and in my dreams i' m always having sex with other older men, but when awake this doesn' t bother me at all. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Withholding yourself from sex does not necessarily take a way the desire or your ability to do it – in fact it could actually lead to sexual frustration. Sexual gratification does not have to be with another person – if you choose to remain a virgin. You could explore masturbation as a natural healthy way of relieving sexual desire, and frustration and maintaining a healthy sexual identity and sexual performance. Fantasy often does not have any boundaries and it is possible to cross over gender boundaries in dreams and fantasies without any societal guilt. If you are uncertain about what to make of these dreams and thought it might be helpful to consult with a psychologist that deals with sexual identity and sexual concerns. You are furthermore welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where we could assist you to get in touch with a suitable psychologist as close as possible to you. You are also welcome to visit out website www.sexualhealth.co.za for interesting reading.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ken | 2009-05-25

Kelly. Where do you get the idea that older people don' t do it? Many people have active sex lives well into their 70' s and 80' s. I am 50 and am having the best sex I have ever had in my life now. Yes, you can bet you parents are doing it too.

Reply to Ken
Posted by: Lynne | 2009-05-25

Hi Kelly I know bcause my mom has told me on more than 1 occasion that they r still sexually active + still enjoy it. I' m 28, + expecting our 1 st child + my mom + I have a very special relationship where we speak about anything. Also they often go away alone 2 romantice places + leave my 18 yo sister with us 4 long weekends. I' m very proud of them + think they' re the greatest. I have yet 2 see another couple of their age still as madly in love as they r. I grew up in a home with a very special love between my parents + will always b greatful 4 it.

Reply to Lynne
Posted by: Anon#2 | 2009-05-25

Wow Kelly - are you planning to be single when you' re 50?

I wonder where that leaves Michelle Pfeiffer, Sharon Stone, Kim Bassinger, Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Sigourney Weaver, Madonna, Richard Gere, Pierce Brosnan, Denzel Washington, Liam Neeson, Bruce Willis, Daniel Day Lewis, Samuel L Jackson and Robert deNiro - just to mention a few.

Reply to Anon#2
Posted by: AJ | 2009-05-25

Age is just a number! So what if they get it on in their old age. I think that' s great.

But a note to Wondering, ignore those thoughts about guys and avoid temptations that might arise in your life. If you do find girls attractive then make sure you focus on that and your future wife for whom you are withholding. Life will be much simpler if you can get away from those homosexual thoughts you mentioned (unless you are truly gay). In your case though it sounds like it' s just a phase, so don' t worry about it and move away from that, especially if you are a religious person.

If it really is a concern or you think it is more than just random dreams and your subconcious mind coming up with experimental thoughts, then you could consider asking some questions from the gay expert on this website. But otherwise just forget about it.

Reply to AJ
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-05-25

Lynne how do you knwo that they still doing it! lol!
I prefer to think people over the age of 50 do not do it anymore.
I do not even want to imagine a couple of 60 doing it!!!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Lynne | 2009-05-24

My mom is 61 + dad 64. I know they still have sex on a regular basis. They were in their early 30' s when they got married + they were both virgins. So I don' t think U need worry at all.

Reply to Lynne
Posted by: Dan | 2009-05-24

I was 29 when I married my gorgeous, beautiful blonde Estonian wife - she was 27. We were both virgins then. All I can say is 25 yrs on we still have the most incredible sex. It tapered off when we had little ones but our sex life gradually went back 2 normal as they got older. We were married 25 yrs last June + we still have it good + often - at least 3 times a week  often more. We still go away 4 intimate, romantic weekends + make the most of it like young honeymooners. Hope that answers your question.

Reply to Dan

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