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Question
Posted by: anon | 2011/11/16

will the dust settle?

i have messed up so badly and dont know how to get out of it.
My long term boyfriend and i have been on the rocks for a long time but we always tried to work it out.
we have a little girl together so it''s always been important to put our family first.
but fter years of neglec and years of trying to tell him what i need from him, i gave up, i became friends with a great guy, it was completely innocent, but when my boyfriend and i eventually broke up, i kissed my friend, nothing came of it, it was just a kiss, i still am so in love with my boyfriend and have hope that things will get better, i had bad judgement and should not have kissed someone else, but anyway my ex found out, and things got ugly so quickly.
i am trying to put all the pieces back together but he is so angry and i guess he should be,
Will the dist ever settle? have i messed this up beyond repair?
his family hates me and now that he is living with them, i am almost certain no one there is telling him that he should try and see why things progressed to this and that it is not completely my fault.
I am so depressed and sad and desperate. i dont know what to do with myself.
to top it off we are in the process of relocating and now we are doing so on our own, and we both have to move in with our parents temporarily as we dont have a joint salary anymore and its going to take a while to get back on our feet.
i am very attached to my daughter and cant stand the thought that she will have to go to him on weekends and holidays.
This is unbeareable.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you really had broken up with yout ex-bf, it's really none of his business if you become affectionate with someone else. How on earth, unless you did it in public among shared friends, could your ex have found out about it ?
If you have broken up with the ex, why are you still aware of and concerned about what his family think ? WHAT is it you worry about having messed up forever ? If your relationship with your ex, then it wasn't actually over, was it ?
See a counsellor, perhaps, to sort out your own complicated and conflicted feelings.
But as it affects your daughter, think of what is best for her, rather than your own emotional responses. If she has a relationship with her biodad, she deserves to be helped to continue that relationship, and you should help make this happen.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011/11/16

i am helping her to see him but he is so angry that everytime she asks to call him to spend time with him, he thinks that i am using her.
the kiss did happen amongst aother friends and a pic of us sitting next to each other was posted on twitter which is how he found out.
and yes, i dont feel that it was really over, i really wish for it not to be over and i actions were doen our of anger, but i still love him.
i care about what his family thinks because they dont tell him the truth they stoke his ego and make him feel better about any situation but do so by not being honest to him about his own shot falls.
i am seeing a phychologist but she is on leave at the moment.
and we tried to see a couple''s councellor but had such a bad experience.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/16

If you really had broken up with yout ex-bf, it's really none of his business if you become affectionate with someone else. How on earth, unless you did it in public among shared friends, could your ex have found out about it ?
If you have broken up with the ex, why are you still aware of and concerned about what his family think ? WHAT is it you worry about having messed up forever ? If your relationship with your ex, then it wasn't actually over, was it ?
See a counsellor, perhaps, to sort out your own complicated and conflicted feelings.
But as it affects your daughter, think of what is best for her, rather than your own emotional responses. If she has a relationship with her biodad, she deserves to be helped to continue that relationship, and you should help make this happen.

Reply to cybershrink

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