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Question
Posted by: Martie | 2010/10/10

Will not kiss me II

Dear Doc
I see you have totally misunderstood my posting. Let me try again.
Firstly, there is nothing in this world that will make my marraige with my husband right - it was a fault to begin with and I need to move on. And also, it is he who physically can''t kiss (properly). OK leave that there.
Secondly, there is my " lover" , the man I am in love with. Who only wants to be special friends although he says he loves me too. It is HE that is causing me so much mental anguish, as I love him and want to be with him physically as well, but it is HE who refuses to kiss me. My lover tells me to use my imagination for now when I ask for a kiss. I wanted to know if this means that my lover is cruel towards me? Withholding what I need from him even though he knows he is hurting me.
PS My previous posting was all about the lover. The husband was mentioned in the beginning as background.
Been to see a therapist but she didn''t know what to make of the situation.
Thanks so much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm not at all surprised if I misunderstood your posting - it was extremely confusingly worded and expressed, and not in the least bit clear. I'm not surprised that the therapist you visited couldn't follow your concerns, either.
If there are such fundamental and insoluble problems within your marriage, maybe then you need to end it and take time to recover from it, before aiming at a fresh relationship. As I say, this physical inability to kiss which you say your husband has is something I have never heard of in decades of medical experience.
Now, reacting to a husband who for some highly mysterious reason apparently CANNOT kiss you, you have found a lover who can, but refuses to kiss you ? This is a highly unusual complaint.
If Really Bad Breath can be ruled out, maybe the lover is just trying to be respectful of the fact that you are still married ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: jfk | 2010/10/11

When i was young i used to have bad breath and my family used to tell me about it and i will get so angry but they finally took me to a doctor, all i can say is no man will refuse to kiss a woman there must be a problem.

Reply to jfk
Posted by: rocket science? | 2010/10/11

You have a breath problem doll, it''s not rocket science. You might brush twenty eleven times a day but when you have that specific problem then yeah, you have it!

Reply to rocket science?
Posted by: Me | 2010/10/11

" Perfect"  affairs very seldom work out after both have left their partners and are together. That is because when one is onvolved in an affair it is not a real situation. You only see one another when you are in a good mood, when you are healthy, when you are looking your best and you do not have to deal with real life difficulties like financial issues, cars that broke down, naoghty kids and so on. So, it is really a fantasy world that can never last.

If a perfect affair dont last, then an affair that is already showiing issues have an even lesser chance to survive on the long run.

If you really dont want to be with your husband, rather divorce him now and then start a new r" real"  elationship with someone that truly is able to give you what you need in a realistic scenario.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Purple | 2010/10/11

Perhaps he is just not wanting to commit to you while you are married. Afterall, if you can do that to your husband, you can do the same to him.

There must have been a reason that you married your husband, and even as a teenager you must have known that he had some form of retardation or brain damage - you went into it with your eyes open, so it is a bit of poor form to now want to behave this way.

Either divorce him or stay with him - but stop trying to have your cake and eat it.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/11

I'm not at all surprised if I misunderstood your posting - it was extremely confusingly worded and expressed, and not in the least bit clear. I'm not surprised that the therapist you visited couldn't follow your concerns, either.
If there are such fundamental and insoluble problems within your marriage, maybe then you need to end it and take time to recover from it, before aiming at a fresh relationship. As I say, this physical inability to kiss which you say your husband has is something I have never heard of in decades of medical experience.
Now, reacting to a husband who for some highly mysterious reason apparently CANNOT kiss you, you have found a lover who can, but refuses to kiss you ? This is a highly unusual complaint.
If Really Bad Breath can be ruled out, maybe the lover is just trying to be respectful of the fact that you are still married ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Curious | 2010/10/10

" but no match for me mentally"  - is your husband braindead?

Reply to Curious
Posted by: anon | 2010/10/10

Try kissing a frog - you never know what might happen.....

Reply to anon
Posted by: Martie | 2010/10/10

Also, I might add that I am athletic and attractive with no problem to finding other men willing to do so... But that is not what it is about. I am not after the action itself, but in the kiss as an expression of true love. If my lover really loves me as he says, why not kiss me? Its a simple question.. I do not want to " kiss"  anybode else, only the man I truly love!!

Reply to Martie
Posted by: Martie | 2010/10/10

Haha. I also thought of that, and made sure that is not the problem. Lover even asked why I smelled so nice but still refused to touch me :-)

Reply to Martie
Posted by: Purple | 2010/10/10

I''m not trying to be facetious, but do you brush and floss regularly. Maybe that is why your husband can t kiss you and your lover won''t?

Reply to Purple

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