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Question
Posted by: abcdef | 2008-11-23

will my child be gay

My son is 5 years old - he plays only with girls at school. It really worries me - will he turn out gay? He is one of twins, and his brother is not like this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi ABC, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

There is certainly evidence of a genetic predisposition to being gay but research with identical twins has demonstrated that environmental, or social factors, also play a role. Hence the "nature versus nurture" debate. It is almost impossible to say whether a kid of his age will be gay, bisexual or straight and there could be other reasons for his playing more with girls - maybe one of the boys bullied him? Or perhaps he feels unable to compete with his brother? Or maybe he simply prefers the games the girls play? Whatever the reason I think you should be wary of trying to force him into playing with boys - as Gareth quite rightly points out we're all unique individuals. Your comment that his brother is not "...like this" could indicate your intense displeasure at the situation and I suggest you explore this further - both your sons need your unconditional love and nurture, and a negative reaction on your part, no matter how subtle, could do more harm than an innocent kid having a preference for girls. Either, or both of your sons could turn out to be gay. Only time will tell.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gareth | 2008-11-26

Dear abcdef. I can understand that you are worried about your children like all good mothers are. But you have to remember that twins or not, no two people are exactly alike. And believe me, the absolute greatest gift you can give a child is the freedom to be who he is, and become his own person, whether it is within your dreams for him or not. This will make him a confident and whole person, and spare him much pain. I am talking of personal experience. It took me my whole childhood and part of my adult life to get to the place where I can be who I am and not try to be the person people expected me to be. And I would suggest that you do read up a bit on what makes you gay. How on earth would the fact that he plays with girls make him gay, it could just as much make him a real ladies man one day.
And you need to relax and allow your kids to develop into their own unique people. And even if he does turn out gay one day, you would be of the greatest value to him if you are clued up and can support him. Knowledge is power

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