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Question
Posted by: Queen | 2012/06/18

Will he marry me one day

We started dating 2 years ago and 4 months after we met he introduced me to his family and shame they were all happy to see me. His father was forever talking about marriage lobola blah blah blah. Two months ago his father was admitted to hospital and after a week he was discharged and he said to him, please my son marry Queen I don’ t want to die without having a daughter in law then he said PLEASE DAD LEAVE THAT TOPIC ALONE. His father was also admitted in hospital late May and discharged after two days he said the same thing to him and his respond was the same. Last week his dad went back to hospital and while we were at his hospital bedside he told his mother to give me her wedding ring cause I belong to the family he said to him again PLEASE MY SON MARRY QUEEN I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A DAUGHTER INLAW LIKE QUEEN then he said DADDY PLEASE CONCENTRATE ON YOUR WELLBEING AND LEAVE THE MARRIAGE STORY FOR SOME OTHER TIME. On Saturday we got news from the hospital that his dad is no more ( MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE ) Yes we went to his mom’ s house and while we were there the whole family sat down with him and told him to do the dad’ s wish of marrying me and he told them to leave him alone he will marry me if and when he is ready. I don’ t know what to think of this, I don’ t know if I am disappointed or not. I just don’ t know how to handle this and now I look at him differently

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its obviously hard for anyone outside of this particular group of people, to guess what is going on. One wonders why the father has remained so anxious that his son marry you, and why the son seems to have become so reluctant to do so.
He may feel that his family, and especiall his faher, were putting too much pressure on him to marry you, and this may have been causing him to slow down and felt reluctant.
Discuss this calmly with him, explaining jhow you feel, and how you are concerned about how he may feel. One needs to try not to refuse to do something you would otherwise want to do, just because someone else is pushing you in the same direction. But as qwerty says, this is not the time, as he is now grieving the loss of his father. Help and support him at this time, and be available when he is ready for this other important discussion.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2012/06/21

My advise might not be the best so if it upsets you, ignore it. Don''t ever get married! I''m in my second one and I''m as unhappy as the first minus the beatings! Men love you and respect you differntly when u are not married! (Not all men, I''m hoping there are still some good ones left in the world) focus on yourself and your own happiness if it happens super but if it doesn''t don''t let it define the person you are!

Reply to anon
Posted by: qwerty | 2012/06/18

Whether or not he wants to marry you should be entirely based on his own wishes, rather than the wishes of his (probably well meaning, but rather interfering) family.

Don''t take his reluctance to cave into emotional blackmail by his family as a lack of commitment to you - he may very well intend to marry you, but in his own time and on his own terms.

You can and should discuss with him where he thinks this relationship is going, and whether marriage is on the cards for you guys, but if his father has just passed away, now is hardly the time. Concentrate on helping him through this difficult time and being there for him, and when the time is right, gently bring up the topic again.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/18

Its obviously hard for anyone outside of this particular group of people, to guess what is going on. One wonders why the father has remained so anxious that his son marry you, and why the son seems to have become so reluctant to do so.
He may feel that his family, and especiall his faher, were putting too much pressure on him to marry you, and this may have been causing him to slow down and felt reluctant.
Discuss this calmly with him, explaining jhow you feel, and how you are concerned about how he may feel. One needs to try not to refuse to do something you would otherwise want to do, just because someone else is pushing you in the same direction. But as qwerty says, this is not the time, as he is now grieving the loss of his father. Help and support him at this time, and be available when he is ready for this other important discussion.

Reply to cybershrink

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