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Question
Posted by: Makoti | 2012-04-17

Will he ever marry me

We have been dating for two years and the 1st time he introduced me to his parents I think they were all happy with me and all that. And the mother kept on encouraging his son to marry me for the past year. I met half of his family and he also met half of my family. We moved in together last year June and we are sort of living like married people although we are not. We buy things together ( washing machine, TV, Music and we just bought a king size bed ) and all that we own pets together. His sisters are also encouraging him to marry me but he is not saying anything. Last weekend we were burying his only brother who was also not married he was 42 ( a drunker, criminal, not working etc ) and all his family members were there some who don’ t know me and some who does and they were all so excited to see me and the grannies and aunts of the family sat down with him and told him to marry me but he did not say much about the issue. All that he told them was how much he loves me and how much he is happy to have me in his and his families life. At first the fact that he did not say much about marriage did not bother me but now it does and I don’ t know how to ask him about his intensions about us. Last week after the funeral cause he has a funeral policy and his late brother was also on his policy the policy paid out R10 000 and his mother said because they have already done with funeral arrangements and burial his mother advised him to not spend that money they rather take it and pay the lobola ( brideprice ) at my family and still he did not say much. I love him and I believe he loves me too. Should I be bothered with the fact that the man is not saying anything about the marriage? Should I ask him or should I just keep quiet and see how it goes? To be honest we are one of the happiest couples.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Can't you raise this in conversation, perhaps in relation to how it felt for him to have all those relatives pushing him to get married ? IS he taking steps towards seeing that the lobola gets paid ? Sometimes people, men and women, slow down and dig their heels in and slow down when people try to push them, even in a direction they actually want to go !
Rather than simply asking him the main question, alone, it might work better to talk about the whole issue of marriage, how everyone else seems to want it for you, you're happy to move in that direction, but you don't feel sure what he wants.
Again, Obvious raises the point I so often have to raise, that if you give a man everything he wants in a marriage, without marriage, why would he want to change ?
I also like Obvious's point that if you two are anywhere near close enough to actually get married, it shouldnt be that hard to talk about this.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012-04-17

Only he can answer yr question - so if you want to really know u will have to talk to him.
But ask yourself what is the advantage for him to marry you? after all he has all the perks of married life without having to make a commitment, perhaps u have made everything too easy for him............?

Also if you are unable to raise this subject with him are u really close enough to be married? a commited couple should be able to talk about anything that bothers them!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Just saying | 2012-04-17

Hi Makoti, I think the guy is serious about you but perhaps he wants to marry you on his own terms. yes, it is good to know where you stand but pushing him too hard might just send him running the opposite direction. just be gentle with your approach

Reply to Just saying
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-17

Can't you raise this in conversation, perhaps in relation to how it felt for him to have all those relatives pushing him to get married ? IS he taking steps towards seeing that the lobola gets paid ? Sometimes people, men and women, slow down and dig their heels in and slow down when people try to push them, even in a direction they actually want to go !
Rather than simply asking him the main question, alone, it might work better to talk about the whole issue of marriage, how everyone else seems to want it for you, you're happy to move in that direction, but you don't feel sure what he wants.
Again, Obvious raises the point I so often have to raise, that if you give a man everything he wants in a marriage, without marriage, why would he want to change ?
I also like Obvious's point that if you two are anywhere near close enough to actually get married, it shouldnt be that hard to talk about this.

Reply to cybershrink

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