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Question
Posted by: Family matters | 2011/05/10

Will he ever grow up?

My brother is 32 and has absolutely no sense of responsibity, he still stays at home with my parents and our youngest brother who is 17. my parents are always complaining to me that he''s always broke even though he earns a good salary, pays no rent and doesn''t contribute to food and electricity...But, the thing that pains me most about him is the way he treats his children (5 & 2), he and their mother broke up due to his constant cheating and lack of respect. He would do anything for his dogs (that once attacked his ex and their eldest child) and his so-called friends but he couldn''t be bothered to pick up the phone to hear how his children are doing, he only sees they if I pick them up and take them home with me, even then, he treats them like total strangers. I see them quite regularly, and they always ask about him I don''t know what to say to them anymore. I know I can''t make him love them but what makes one so cold, he grew up in a stable family with both parents that loved us. I''m of the opinion that my parents should at least make him pay rent or kick him out, some tough love but they are scared to take action for some reason. I have never spoken to him about these issues because he''s 5 years older than me and " he should know better"  but I can''t take it any longer, I love him, but I don''t like him. Will he ever grow up and is there any way to make him snap out of his selfishness?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

They should not allow him to stay with them for free, but insist that he pay a realistic share of rent, electricity and all other household expenses, as well as helping with specific household chores. And if he doesn't like that, then he should be told to leave home and find a better deal somewhere else. It does him no good for his parents to indulge him in this way - when they are gone, nobody else will sponsor him.
What does he spend his salary on ?
And he has no business having children if he can't be bothered to set up his own home and care for them and their mother, properly. He sounds utterly selfish and irresponsible.
He needs tough love, surely. He may be 5 years older than you in calendar years, but he is much younger than you in maturity. Maybe he should know better, but he obviously does not.
He will absolutely NEVER EVER "snap out of his slefishnes" so long as all those around him allow him to keep on getting away with it.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/10

He does not have to see or love his kids only pay maintenance - if his wife does not enforce this through the courts it is nothing to do with you.
He does not have to pay your parents rent if they choose for whatever reason not to request it. Again it is nothing to do with you.

May be one day he will grow up who knows?
But wether he does or not what business is it of yours?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/05/10

is there any history of drug or alcohol abuse?

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Family matter | 2011/05/10

Thanks CS, no one knows for sure what he spends his money on, we assume he sponsors all these many women and friends.

Reply to Family matter
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/10

They should not allow him to stay with them for free, but insist that he pay a realistic share of rent, electricity and all other household expenses, as well as helping with specific household chores. And if he doesn't like that, then he should be told to leave home and find a better deal somewhere else. It does him no good for his parents to indulge him in this way - when they are gone, nobody else will sponsor him.
What does he spend his salary on ?
And he has no business having children if he can't be bothered to set up his own home and care for them and their mother, properly. He sounds utterly selfish and irresponsible.
He needs tough love, surely. He may be 5 years older than you in calendar years, but he is much younger than you in maturity. Maybe he should know better, but he obviously does not.
He will absolutely NEVER EVER "snap out of his slefishnes" so long as all those around him allow him to keep on getting away with it.

Reply to cybershrink

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