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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/01/06

Wife' s skeletons

Good day, When my wife and myself got married about 6 years ago i knew that she had a few ex' es in her past, i only had one. This was not a problem for me and i accepted her with that knowledge, but at the end of last year we ran into a few old friends of her and i found out via them that she had about 30 or more sexual partners that they knew off and that she was very wild and she had a few affairs with married men. It came as a big shock. I know she can' t change her past and she has said that she is very ashamed of her past when i confronted her, but i know i must blame her i married her for the good and the bad and i still love her dearly, but how do i handle it? It keeps on comming back to me, but i made a point of not telling her, because she will just get upset, everytime she talks about a male friend i wonder if she did it with him. I wish i never new it was so much easier. Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

G'day ! I am relieved to discover that your wife's skeletons are metaphorical rather than anatomical.
I can understand that you could find it a bit worrying to discover about her wild past and multiple partners. Apart from being clear about the possibilties of HIV and other STDs, the real issue now is not the past as such ( which, as you say, can't be changed ) but what her PRESENT and future behaviour is and will be ; whether she has changed and will remain changed for the better.
This is inded possible, as some people may lead very wild lives for some years, then realize how empty it is to do so, and choose to live more normally and temperately.
If the concerns arising from this knowledge and this history continue to disturb you, it could be wise to get you both involved in some marriage counselling to sort it out and plan a happier and more mutually confident future.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Alex | 2010/01/06

Gosh I dont know how I would be able to live with this.
Knowing your wife was the village bicycle.
I' d be wondering the same thing with every guy she knows but hey I think you should see someone to try and get over this.
At least now you know what her kind of reputation she has.
It is a serious thing so get some help in dealing with it.

Reply to Alex
Posted by: Anon2 | 2010/01/06

I understand how u feel, but if u dont want to loose ur wife please try to let go,i know its not easy but just take it slow and always focus on the things that she does that make u happy and remember we all have our dark secrets and we all Human.

Reply to Anon2
Posted by: Anon | 2010/01/06

If it was that easy i would not have posted it here

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Me | 2010/01/06

Leave the past as past and concentrate on the future

Reply to Me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/06

G'day ! I am relieved to discover that your wife's skeletons are metaphorical rather than anatomical.
I can understand that you could find it a bit worrying to discover about her wild past and multiple partners. Apart from being clear about the possibilties of HIV and other STDs, the real issue now is not the past as such ( which, as you say, can't be changed ) but what her PRESENT and future behaviour is and will be ; whether she has changed and will remain changed for the better.
This is inded possible, as some people may lead very wild lives for some years, then realize how empty it is to do so, and choose to live more normally and temperately.
If the concerns arising from this knowledge and this history continue to disturb you, it could be wise to get you both involved in some marriage counselling to sort it out and plan a happier and more mutually confident future.

Reply to cybershrink

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