Our expert says:
It is very difficult for your wife to drive her sexual response if she is so tired and the fact that she is rushing sex is quite typical of a woman who is trying to do what she can to meet her partner's needs. It sounds like she needs to do what she can to address her health problems first; I encourage you to support her as far as is possible so that she doesn't feel that your needs are an extra burden on her.
That said, I support the fact that both people's needs must be considered in relationships and you two need to discuss how to resolve the fact that she is always so tired and this means that you are finding it difficult. I assume that she would respond that she IS aware of this and is doing what she can by having sex at all...? As long as she is doing what she can to address her health problems, and her tiredness is objectively supported (i.e. she is too tired to do anything, not just sex), then there is not much more you can do other than to join her search for the best way to optimise her energy. You may need to be creative around ways to still be intimate when she has some energy - this after all is an important aspect of both of your lives and worth sacrificing other things from time to time...
ONce you are clear that her energy is optimised you will have to face the shortfall. I encourage you to challenge your perspective a little in order to make this more manageable... For instnace, it is not necessarily she who is 'ruining' your marriage - it may well be the illness (not her!) and your reaction to it. A marriage may take substantial strain when there are changes that need to be accommodated, but it is not a given fact that marriages inevitably struggle in such situations. Try to see what you can do differently too - this will be easier if you see your wife doing what she can to address her part.
Claire - SASHA
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