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Question
Posted by: MrR | 2010-10-04

Wife Issues

My wife is anaemic, very very anaemic. She is on venofer drips etc and keeps telling me she is tired. We never have sex anymore. When we finally do, so wants no foreplay and wants it over as quickly as possible,

Why wont she have sex with me? Why wont she have foreplay? She is being selfish and is ruining our marriage, how do I fix her?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is very difficult for your wife to drive her sexual response if she is so tired and the fact that she is rushing sex is quite typical of a woman who is trying to do what she can to meet her partner's needs. It sounds like she needs to do what she can to address her health problems first; I encourage you to support her as far as is possible so that she doesn't feel that your needs are an extra burden on her.

That said, I support the fact that both people's needs must be considered in relationships and you two need to discuss how to resolve the fact that she is always so tired and this means that you are finding it difficult. I assume that she would respond that she IS aware of this and is doing what she can by having sex at all...? As long as she is doing what she can to address her health problems, and her tiredness is objectively supported (i.e. she is too tired to do anything, not just sex), then there is not much more you can do other than to join her search for the best way to optimise her energy. You may need to be creative around ways to still be intimate when she has some energy - this after all is an important aspect of both of your lives and worth sacrificing other things from time to time...

ONce you are clear that her energy is optimised you will have to face the shortfall. I encourage you to challenge your perspective a little in order to make this more manageable... For instnace, it is not necessarily she who is 'ruining' your marriage - it may well be the illness (not her!) and your reaction to it. A marriage may take substantial strain when there are changes that need to be accommodated, but it is not a given fact that marriages inevitably struggle in such situations. Try to see what you can do differently too - this will be easier if you see your wife doing what she can to address her part.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: vee | 2010-10-04

dude, firstly your WIFE isnt a car or an electric appliance...u cant fix her. And secondly, while you seeking advice from external parties isnt such a bad idea, the real person you should be voicing your concern to is....wait for it...thats right...your wife! Sit her down and talk to her, tell her whats on your mind. If theres a way to make things better then by all means take that route. If there isnt...well i guess divorce and maybe find someone who will satisfy you sexaully.

Reply to vee
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-10-04

It is very difficult for your wife to drive her sexual response if she is so tired and the fact that she is rushing sex is quite typical of a woman who is trying to do what she can to meet her partner's needs. It sounds like she needs to do what she can to address her health problems first; I encourage you to support her as far as is possible so that she doesn't feel that your needs are an extra burden on her.

That said, I support the fact that both people's needs must be considered in relationships and you two need to discuss how to resolve the fact that she is always so tired and this means that you are finding it difficult. I assume that she would respond that she IS aware of this and is doing what she can by having sex at all...? As long as she is doing what she can to address her health problems, and her tiredness is objectively supported (i.e. she is too tired to do anything, not just sex), then there is not much more you can do other than to join her search for the best way to optimise her energy. You may need to be creative around ways to still be intimate when she has some energy - this after all is an important aspect of both of your lives and worth sacrificing other things from time to time...

ONce you are clear that her energy is optimised you will have to face the shortfall. I encourage you to challenge your perspective a little in order to make this more manageable... For instnace, it is not necessarily she who is 'ruining' your marriage - it may well be the illness (not her!) and your reaction to it. A marriage may take substantial strain when there are changes that need to be accommodated, but it is not a given fact that marriages inevitably struggle in such situations. Try to see what you can do differently too - this will be easier if you see your wife doing what she can to address her part.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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