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Question
Posted by: MrR | 2010/10/04

Wife Issues

My wife is anaemic, very very anaemic. She is on venofer drips etc and keeps telling me she is tired. We never have sex anymore. When we finally do, so wants no foreplay and wants it over as quickly as possible,

Why wont she have sex with me? Why wont she have foreplay? She is being selfish and is ruining our marriage, how do I fix her?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hope she is seeing competent medical specialists to discover WHY she is so anaemic. If you were that anaemic, let me guarantee you you would be more than tired, and the thought of sex would not cross your mind. Not even part way across. When you feel sick, weak, exhausted and frightened about what's wrong with you - are you eager to have sex ? I doubt it. She isn't being in the least selfish - it is you who are being selfish, and thinking only of your own pleasure, rather than worrying about your wife's ill-health.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nic | 2011/01/18

well my relationship has just come to an end. Iron levels as well. Mine is on 5.6. Will be receiving Venofer IV from next week. I am very fit etc, but just can keep my eyes open after 9pm ish at night. I have been told I have sex on my terms and I am selfish. Yes I do the moment I feel hey I am still awake I make a move, so rather than fight this I am moving on, going to get healthy but in the process I dont want any emotional baggage.

Reply to Nic
Posted by: Phil | 2010/10/05

Unfortunately for a healthy relationship one of the most important things is the physical and intimate part. Personally, if ones partner becomes sick and can''t have a normal reltaionship, the this surely can''t mean that the other partner must now suffer forever. You are not selfish, and it isn''t your fault that your parner is sick.
Reality is, if she can''t, or won''t satsify you. Then at some stage you will get it somewhere else. And before anyone judges me, just think about it for a moment. One of the most important parts of us humans are the physical and emotional needs we have. If something happens to remove this from a relationship, then breakdown is ineviatble. Unless you are old and don''t mind giving up on life forever, just because your parner can''t..

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Rebecca | 2010/10/05

This man is coming to this forum for help and you guys are passing judgment... no guys please. His wife is sick and he is being supportive. Please be there for your wife as I can imagine how difficult it is. Sex is important in the marriage... Maybe coucelling or more communication...All I can say is good luck and be there for one another...

Reply to Rebecca
Posted by: anon 2 | 2010/10/04

you are a complete idiot and more than likely dont deserve her!!
grow up and start loving your wife more!!

Reply to anon 2
Posted by: Liza | 2010/10/04

Anemia does cause severe fatigue - which leads to a non-existent sex drive.

I agree 100% with Anon - You''re the selfish one - not her.

Perhaps some couples counseling is necessary - and a visit to a specialist for her so that the primary cause for her anemia is found and then treated.

Your wife needs help - she doesn''t need accusations!

Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/04

Fix yourself!

The only reason she is even having sex is to satisfy YOU. You are the one being selfish. Find out why she is anaemic, and rather have her healthy. Then she might want more sex also.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/04

I hope she is seeing competent medical specialists to discover WHY she is so anaemic. If you were that anaemic, let me guarantee you you would be more than tired, and the thought of sex would not cross your mind. Not even part way across. When you feel sick, weak, exhausted and frightened about what's wrong with you - are you eager to have sex ? I doubt it. She isn't being in the least selfish - it is you who are being selfish, and thinking only of your own pleasure, rather than worrying about your wife's ill-health.

Reply to cybershrink

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