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Question
Posted by: BobT | 2012/06/13

Wife has lost interest in lovemaking

Hi,

My wife and I have been married for 19 years and have 3 children, 2 teenagers and a 8 month old. My problem is that she seems to have no interest in lovemaking, getting intimate or making time together.
I was always the one who did this but after so long, I have now become bitter about it and am fast loosing interest as we have discussed this many many times and she agrees to try harder but nothing every comes of this.
Physicality is a big part of my emotional needs to a successful marriage. Her needs to purely emotional and little or no physical.
Making love to my wife every couple of weeks is not sufficient for me and even then I think she is only doing it cause i want to ..

How are others out there dealing with such issues...... PLEASE help


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Perhaps the 8 month old is just too much and keep in mind teenagers are quite self-centred and demand a lot. Perhaps she feels that her body can not be looking good enough after the baby and this self-consciousness stops her sexual creativity. She is most likely 40+ or approaching 40 which is also a emotional barrier for some women. You do not mention if she is working/employed and whether she has a helper or not. These are all things that can play a role. Perhaps you must take the little one to granny and you must give her a week end away from everything that you can just relax and find time to connect emotionally again. The physical connection may follow if you are caring for her emotional needs.If this does not work, she can go for a good medical check up to make sure she is healthy. Make sure she is as happy in the relationship as you think you are. Try and if this does not work we can give other options! Deidre - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Posted by: Daniela | 2012/07/05

HealthyCal: Clinic Starts Community Network For Better Health The goal of the Right to Health Committee, which held its first meeting in May, is to have panteits more involved in outreach and to advocate for improved health care (Fulton, 11/9).

Reply to Daniela
Posted by: PartoftheClub | 2012/06/15

I couldn''t have been happier to come across Jonathan''s response! I have been married for 13 years and following on some turmoil my hubby was taking anti-depressants and even though he is now off them, a combination of this and once he reached 42, he just seems to have no sex drive at all! I am so over trying to ask for it because it just turns into arguments. He just gets defensive and no, he isn''t cheating - he just has zero sex drive now. I often wish I could just have a someone on the side for the physical part as I still love him, but I know I wouldn''t be able to do it! Is comforting knowing I am not alone...albeit I am the chick in the same position :-)

Reply to PartoftheClub
Posted by: BobT | 2012/06/14

Thanx Jonathan.

Really a breath of fresh air to hear somebody else in the same position. You right, its like looking in a mirror.
Naturally, divorce is the last thing on my mind as I am crazy in love with my wife. She used to run her own small business but recently sold it so just cares for the kids now.
Thanx Diedre for the advise and I will check those points carefuly and revert asap.
Thanx again to all those who respond. Sharing does make a huge difference

Reply to BobT
Posted by: Jonathan | 2012/06/14

WOW Bob - for a second I thought I was reading my own Life story there. I''ve had the same problem for Years and i know there are thousands of other men out there that are in the same situation - it''s extremely common!! In my case - I spoke to my Wife many many times - we would even end up having arguments about it to the point that I would even threaten to have a damn affair - even though I don''t think I''ve got the guts to go that far!! One problem I also found was that my wife was on some heavy Medication - which virtually killed her sexdrive. Antidepressants, Painpills etc etc etc - thet all play a huge roll and even though my Wife assured me that she loved me etc etc etc - I still felt that without a good sexual relationship - it was a dead-end !! The birth of our Kids definitely made a huge dent in our Sexlife!! Like yourself - I am a very physicall person. I need to feel the hugs, kisses, cuddles etc etc and when it doesn''t come from her side - it Freaks me out - and I mean really Freaks me out - I feel like exploding. In many cases mastibation is a temporary substitute but I have to admit - there''s nothing as great as making Love to your own Wife - especially if you''re still madly in Love with her after Years of Marriage!! Yes - there are Councellors and Shrinks that you can see but in my own experience - there''s absolutely nothing they can tell you that you and your Wife don''t know already!! I do agree with our Resident Expert that the kids - especially the little one - are making a huge difference in this situation. You really have to spend more " alone"  time with her - and as someone once said to me - " always be nice" !!! She''s not a dumb woman so hopefully she''ll come around at some stage - and even if she doesn''t - at least you did your best and were always nice!! The thing is - you don''t want to live that way - and many times you feel you''re wasting your time when you could have been with someone who would give you the attention you need!! I know that in many cases like ours, the Marriages end up in Divorce - but that''s the last thing any of us want!! Besides that - it''s a tough one mate!! Women just think differently to us and I''m often amazed at the guys that complain that their wives want sex 3 times a day!! Jeeeezzz - do gotta be kidding me!! Take care - and good luck - you are not alone - believe me!!

Reply to Jonathan
Posted by: BobT | 2012/06/13

Thanx, Yes have tried all those things, from romantic meals, nights alone, etc etc but nothing seems to change.
Its also not that i want sex every night, hell I would be happy with once or twice a week, but not every 4 - 6 weeks.
I adore my kids and give her all my support. I have tried being over affectionate and it doesn''t help. I am completely " house trained"  and all her friends say how lucky she is.
She says how she doesn''t want to loose me but does little or nothing to try and " keep"  me . I am very confused, frustrated and know that I cant carry on like this ......

Reply to BobT
Posted by: XXX | 2012/06/13

Unfortunately this issue is far too common amongst married couples.I don''t think women appreciate how important sex is to a man (&  therefore the marriage).
Have you tried all the usual romantic things,like going away for a " dirty"  weekend etc.Have you tried sending her naughty sms''s/emails.
It could be that she is too stressed from work &  then coming home to make a meal etc.Do you help her?
Failing all of this,she might need to see a dr.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Stevie | 2012/06/13

SHAME - PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING LEGAL / MARITAL HELP - IF NOT DIVORCE....IF SOMEONE DOESN''T SATISFY YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS, GO OUT THERE AND FIND THE RIGHT LADY THAT WILL SATISFY...BUT MAKE SURE THAT YOU SATISFY THE LADY AS WELL

Reply to Stevie
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/06/13

Perhaps the 8 month old is just too much and keep in mind teenagers are quite self-centred and demand a lot. Perhaps she feels that her body can not be looking good enough after the baby and this self-consciousness stops her sexual creativity. She is most likely 40+ or approaching 40 which is also a emotional barrier for some women. You do not mention if she is working/employed and whether she has a helper or not. These are all things that can play a role. Perhaps you must take the little one to granny and you must give her a week end away from everything that you can just relax and find time to connect emotionally again. The physical connection may follow if you are caring for her emotional needs.If this does not work, she can go for a good medical check up to make sure she is healthy. Make sure she is as happy in the relationship as you think you are. Try and if this does not work we can give other options! Deidre - SASHA

Reply to sexologist

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