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Question
Posted by: Cant handle it anymore | 2011/08/01

Wife drinking and has Bipolar condition

My wife gets very aggresive when she drinks and has assualted me on a few occasions when she has one to many.When we go out she will secretely go to the bar under the excuse that she is going to smoke.She will then down as much shots as possible befor I notice.I try to let her have a normal amount of drinks not more than one per hr up to 6 to 8 for the evening because if she drink more than that she always ends up getting aggresive.This weekend she ended up drinking 8 double shots in less than one hr including 8 Savanahs since the afternoon.She ended up swearing at me and wanted to walk home in the night.When I asked her to calm down she ripped off her clothes in the street and shouted that I am assualting her I could not calm her down all the people that drove past asked and we ended up after a long time at the police station.I battled untill the next morning with her to get her to go in the house.I dont know what to do anymore.All she said the next day as she cant remember and it does not help to think about it.She refuses to admit that she has a problem and blame me for everything.I dint drink or smoke and look well after my family.But this is too much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So your wife is a problem drinker ( as well as a smoker ). That she drinks secretly and excessively, and behaves badly when she does, sounds very like alcoholism, though she would probably fiercely deny that.
Even the amount you suggest you try to keep her to is far in excess of the recommended healthy alcohol limits for a woman or man.
Next time she behaves so unreasonably in a public place, leave her for the police to deal with, and don't let her make false accusations against you. Maybe when she faces criminal charges of being drunk and disorderly in public ( and a breathalizer and blood test would prove that case ) she might srtart to take her excessive drinking seriously.
Maybe she's lying out of embarrassment when she says she doesn't remember what hapened, but excessive drinking can cause memory damage as part of general brain damage, and very drunk people often don't recall the previous night's events when they sober up, anyway. But it further suggests that he excess drinking is at a serious level. I wonder how well her liver is coping with all these insults.
Sadly, it's common for alcoholics to refuse to admit the situation they are creating, and to want to blame others. This is how they often drive away those who used to love them

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/08/01

The next time she gets drunk and abusive, take a video of her actions and show it to her when she''s sober the next morning.

You can''t help a person who''s in denial about their abuse. They first have to admit they have a problem. Have you tried couples counseling? That would also help her realize that she really has a problem. Have you spoken to her psychiatrist about her alcohol abuse? If you haven''t yet, it''s definitely time...

If none of the above helps, it''s entirely possible that she won''t change her habits and then divorce might be your only option.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/01

So your wife is a problem drinker ( as well as a smoker ). That she drinks secretly and excessively, and behaves badly when she does, sounds very like alcoholism, though she would probably fiercely deny that.
Even the amount you suggest you try to keep her to is far in excess of the recommended healthy alcohol limits for a woman or man.
Next time she behaves so unreasonably in a public place, leave her for the police to deal with, and don't let her make false accusations against you. Maybe when she faces criminal charges of being drunk and disorderly in public ( and a breathalizer and blood test would prove that case ) she might srtart to take her excessive drinking seriously.
Maybe she's lying out of embarrassment when she says she doesn't remember what hapened, but excessive drinking can cause memory damage as part of general brain damage, and very drunk people often don't recall the previous night's events when they sober up, anyway. But it further suggests that he excess drinking is at a serious level. I wonder how well her liver is coping with all these insults.
Sadly, it's common for alcoholics to refuse to admit the situation they are creating, and to want to blame others. This is how they often drive away those who used to love them

Reply to cybershrink

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