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Question
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/20

Wife cheated

I am shutterd, heart broken I can not even begin to explain the way I feel right now.Just found out that my wife slept with my best friend while she was with me.It did not happen once, they were having sex every chance they got.My Ex-friend &  I were working for the same company so he would know what shifts I am working &  while I''m at work he would go have sex with her.I ended the friendship with him because I was suspecting hes making moves on my wife but never not once thought that they were actaully hiting it on.She told me all of this herself and I located him and told him that I know wht he did &  that he must tell me the truth.He corfirmed everything my wife told me.I love her so much I really dont know how to process all of this.Last night I fainted(passed out because I was stressing).She is now 8 months pregnant and I was so excited about being a father,now this.....Please help on how to deal with this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Oh dear, Pat. What you are dealing with is very stressful indeed and no on-line counselling will be enough for you. Try to seek solace in friends/family members you can trust to help you to come to terms with this shock before you begin to think about what you want to do about it.

Strength and warm wishes...

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sheila | 2010/03/25

Hi Pat,

I am so, so sorry for you. I know how you feel, like you have been gutted. My ex-husband stuffed around on 13 occasions, that he admitted to, with different partners. Not only do you not trust the person again, but you live in fear of nasty diseases. It is not worth putting your health at risk. You sound like a nice guy and that your wife does not deserve you. I left my husband and now have a beautiful life. You have to decide if you want to make the cut, which is very painful, but afterwards, when you look back, you will realize that you made the right choice. If she is pregnant now, does that mean she was stuffing around whilst pregnant? That is so terrible. My gynae advised me not to be intimate with my husband for fear of a miscarriage. So she also put the un-born child at risk. It seems like she thinks of no-one but herself.

Good luck in your decision, I know God will lead you on the right path.

Reply to Sheila
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/24

Lady you said it so nice, thats exactly how I feel " demeaned"  as a man in every possible way.I''m trying to make it work but the problem is that I dont find her sexy and attractive like I used to.Everytime she tries to kiss me I just get cold.I''m really messed up.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Lady | 2010/03/23

and here we are decent ladies, looking for good men - and then she does this to you!!! she demeaned you as a man and in every way possible!

Reply to Lady
Posted by: Lady | 2010/03/23

and here we are decent ladies, looking for good men - and then she does this to you!!! she demeaned you as a man and in every way possible!

Reply to Lady
Posted by: James | 2010/03/22

No it wont be the same again, unfortunately. Change though is not necessarily a bad thing. We seem to get caught in a rut and anything that threatens our comfort zone is seen to be bad, but there are positives. Make it a new beginning and look forward not at the past.

Reply to James
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/22

Thanks James right now I dont know what to do I think has changed my life for good, my life will never be the same again.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: James | 2010/03/22

I have been in your shoes and after the first affair tried to work it out. There is some truth in the saying " Once a cheater, always a cheater" . I am now divorced and happier for it for the most part. The constant worrying / wondering etc etc will eat at you.

Woman''s advice is sound so to is Sexoligist''s, I went to a divorce care group run from a church and it really helped being in a group of people that experienced the same or similar. It was also good to realise that I , and you, are not alone so draw on other people for suppoort. You will need lots.

Good luck in whatever your decision is.

Reply to James
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2010/03/21

I feel for you pal, what a bitch ! Woman''s advice is excellent, have a blood test to determine fatherhood. If you not the father, don''t get caught up with maintenance In any event, what I would do, bearing in mind that infidelity is THE END, move out, or move her out, to her parents or whoever, and start making a new life for yourself. Screwing around is the ultimate NO NO, from which there can NEVER be a proper reconciliation. This is grown up time, not high school romances. You will always picture her getting laid by another guy, maybe even in your bed ! No man, get rid of her out your life.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/21

Thanks guys for the support &  advise. I invested a lot on this woman, I built my life around her &  she betrayed me like this.....I do wanna make things work between us but I dont know if I have the strength.Right now I cannt even look at her.Thanks again for your insight guys.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: gus | 2010/03/21

everything happens for a reason pat move on shes not worth it and nor is he the bastard

Reply to gus
Posted by: Woman | 2010/03/21

Pat, there is nothing that hurts more than intimate broken trust. It is a huge thing to be dealing with! Please find some kind of support group - a decent one, where there is genuine understanding and not hate of the guilty one. It is necessary that you also speak to a professional to help you deal with everything.

You are going to have to make some tough choices in the near future. You must have a DNA test done to determine paternity. And you must decide whether you want to give her another chance or not. If you want that, the 2 of you must go into couple''s counselling at once. Affairs don''t just happen. If you rather want to work things out on your own, find a place to go to as soon as you can.

Good luck to you. You are going to have to deal with this for now, but some day you''ll feel better about this all. Just believe it. This too shall pass.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/20

Sori for the spelling on the last post. Thanks a lot Claire,I trust that God will come through for me.I''''m at work right now but I find myself crying every now and then but luckily I have my own office so nobody is going to see me in this state.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/20

Thanks a lot Claire,I trust that God will come through for me.I''m at work right now but I cannot I find myself crying every now and then but luckily I have my own office so nobody can see me.I feel so weak stupid...

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/03/20

Oh dear, Pat. What you are dealing with is very stressful indeed and no on-line counselling will be enough for you. Try to seek solace in friends/family members you can trust to help you to come to terms with this shock before you begin to think about what you want to do about it.

Strength and warm wishes...

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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