Our expert says:
She does sound potentially unwell - are these all new behaviours / complaints that have suddenly arisen since the marriage, or have they been present all along ? When you mention your sex life as "suffering" this sounds as though it was better and is declining ?
Are there other signs sugggestive of OCD ( Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder ) ? Is she given to excessive hand-washing, overly concerned about risks of infection, and so on ?
As Maria says, sometimes its very relevant that in a new marriage opf people who didn't live together previously, sex aside, simply sharing a bed or bedroom with someone else can seem strange, and ear plugs can be a good investiment, if she really won't let herself gradually adjust ( with a new cat, or dog one may need to adjust if they choose to sleep with you ).
Would she allow you to share some of the chores, or is she fixed on the idea that she needs to do it all personally ?
Her refusal to consider counselling is serious and troubling, because it amounts to either a foolish and unwise insistance that there is nothing whatever wrong or malfunctioning, or a refusal to try to fix things.
Do you know her mother and other family members well enough to be able to ask them gently, if she had problems such as excessive household cleaning, etc, before the marriage ? Could they usefully encourage her to seek marriage counselling with you, even if she sees it purely as a way of dealing with the problems you are causing for her ? ( Maybe it is, in ways you have not perceived )
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