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Question
Posted by: Luzz | 2009/11/12

Wife always tired

I need some advice here, my wife is always tired if I want us to do sex, she complain of her backache and headaches, but when I asked her to go and see the Dr. she refused. Is she cheating on me or what.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

before jumping to conclusions about affairs; it may be a better option to communicate your desire for more sex. in a relationship it is very important to communicate your desires / wants with your partner and devise the best approach / outcomes.

however, the problem may be a difference / discrepancy in desire, ie; wife has no desire for sex or a lower desire than yourself.

the best approach is to consult a sexologist / counsellor to discuss these issues and learn techniques for negotiation. however, owing to the fact that your wife is not willing, it may be better to first lay your cards on the table. mention to her that you desire more sex, even if she has backache / headache, there are less intensive sexual acts, ie: she can masturbate you, provide oral sex etc. in turn, she can ask you to massage her back / head. if this is not successful, the next best option would be to consult a professional

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sexologist | 2009/11/14

before jumping to conclusions about affairs; it may be a better option to communicate your desire for more sex. in a relationship it is very important to communicate your desires / wants with your partner and devise the best approach / outcomes.

however, the problem may be a difference / discrepancy in desire, ie; wife has no desire for sex or a lower desire than yourself.

the best approach is to consult a sexologist / counsellor to discuss these issues and learn techniques for negotiation. however, owing to the fact that your wife is not willing, it may be better to first lay your cards on the table. mention to her that you desire more sex, even if she has backache / headache, there are less intensive sexual acts, ie: she can masturbate you, provide oral sex etc. in turn, she can ask you to massage her back / head. if this is not successful, the next best option would be to consult a professional

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: Babe | 2009/11/13

Hi Better man - yes in the end I wondered why he wasn' t frustrated! Poor man ended up with low testosterone. Pitty I had to learn the hard way how to care for a man. Now I am boosting him all the way and we are making up for all those years!!

Reply to Babe
Posted by: A better man | 2009/11/13

Hi Babe. Your man is a far better man that I could ever be. I would have taken a hike out of that relationship, if you can call it that. Once in 7 years ?? No way.

Reply to A better man
Posted by: Babe | 2009/11/13

I don' t think she is necessary cheating. I went through a period where I didn' t think about sex for YEARS. So if my husband did like Top Cat says, I wouln' t have noticed, and he probably did, because we had sex once a year for about 7 years... Sad but true. And not once did I think about other men. Problem with me was a bad reaction to the pill and other hormonal problems. A very persistent doctor forced me to take a look at my life and realise that this couldn' t carry on like this, for my husband' s sake. So I got the relevent treatment, and we have an awesome sex life now.

Reply to Babe
Posted by: Y2K | 2009/11/13

Surely when a wife / husband shows no interest in bed there is cheating there, tiredness is not an excuse on your love life, SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU BIG TIME MY BROTHER.

Reply to Y2K
Posted by: Top Cat | 2009/11/13

Well you have tried all. Now try this one for size. Ignore sex don' t ask for it ,don' t mension it. After a weak or two she will start to wonder why you don' t whant sex. She will try to make a move and all you do is ignore it, don' t give in yet. She will think something is verry wrong and mybe you get it somewhere els. After that she will try to sex you up to save what is left. The only problem here is after about 4 weaks she will see that she got you back and things will get back to where you was. The big thing is poeple have dog sindrome( dogs chase cars they can' t cath and when the car stops dogs don' t know what to do with the cars) We want what we can' t have and we have it we dont use it. Give her a challenge, she will take the bate. Good luck! It is the first rule in economy"  supply and demand" . If one is high the other go out of scale, bring the scale back to your advantige. Enjoy and let us know what happend.

Reply to Top Cat
Posted by: Luzz | 2009/11/13

Thanx to everyone who responded, It’ s surprisingly how one can change after many years in a relationship, Yes I do help with house chores ie. Cooking, cleaning. I even make sure that on every Friday we go out for movies, but I’ m tired of begging and talking.

But thanks guys anyway.

Reply to Luzz
Posted by: Bob | 2009/11/12

Upfront I will say that I am not going to give you any pearls of wisdom. This story about treating her well, helping with home chores etc,etc, is a lot of bunkum! I have learned the hard way-if we are intimate once a month, then we are breaking all records. And don,t let the smart arses come with stories about skilled seduction etc, etc - been there, tried that until it became embarassing. If you love her, you will hold on for the few, rare occasions of ecstacy.

Reply to Bob
Posted by: Been there | 2009/11/12

Yes, I guess the general opinion is what its all about. She is probably not happy with you for one or other reason as outlined. However, once they get something going on their head, like suddenly gettting a religious change of mind or some or other idea that sex is not cool, you can forget it. No amount of spoling, doing chores etc etc will make no difference. But whatever you do, DON' T BEG !

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Been there | 2009/11/12

Yes, I guess the general opinion is what its all about. She is probably not happy with you for one or other reason as outlined. However, once they get something going on their head, like suddenly gettting a religious change of mind or some or other idea that sex is not cool, you can forget it. No amount of spoling, doing chores etc etc will make no difference. But whatever you do, DON' T BEG !

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Samantha | 2009/11/12

I have one question. Do you treat your wife well? Do you spoil her? Help her with the house chores? Help with dinner?

The reason I ask is because I did the exact same thing with my ex boyfriend. He did not treat me well, and our relationship was not a happy one...
and although I can openly admit that he was the BEST lover I have ever had! (Seriously great!) I simply did not want to sleep with him because I wasn' t happy with him.

Remember for most woman, sex is emotional rather than physical!

Reply to Samantha
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/12

Also remember that our hormones can go out of whack, or we might experience loss of libido due to various stresses, or it just doesn' t work. (a bit like ED in men)

Or she may feel under appreciated or undervalued. Look at your unique situation. Happy women want to make love. If you have checked everything and there still is no answer, visit a couples counselor.

She does need to know that her lack of interest is damaging to your marriage. So first, speak to her frankly, but without aggression, maybe the answer is under your nose.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Rick | 2009/11/12

Well if her behaviour pattern has changed then yes, she probably is getting it elswhere.

OR, have you changed? Have you put on weight, developed bad breath, or other bad habits that would turn her off you?

Are you having other issues in your marriage? For a woman to be comfortable having sex with you she must feel sexy, if you dont make her feel that then obviously she wont want anything to do with you,a nd more than likely go elwhere to find what she does not want from you.

Reply to Rick

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