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Question
Posted by: Woman | 2010-06-01

Why, why, why!!

I would appreciate help from the forum and the sexologist please. My husband just doesn''t understand the concept of special days. This year, yet again, he did not do anything for mothers day. I know it sounds stupid to people who might not understand, but in my family we always made special days really special - you felt like the queen on your days - birthdays and Christmas too. The five of us would plan for weeks to surprise my mother.

He did nothing again. Again!! and worse, he and the kids spent the whole morning bickering between all of them! Last year, my son was in hospital. It feels as if I am completely unappreciated. My efforts aren''t seen.

Off course I told him this after mother''s day. I feel as if nothing I can say or do will make any difference to anyone in my family. So then my husband gets antsy because i don''t feel like having sex. (I don''t want to have sex if I''m hurting emotionally).

And has he done anything in the month since then to patch things up? not a thing.he believes i should get over it- it''s in the past. But I am really hurt and disappointed. And why should I? Shouldn''t he apologise - at least by some token?

why, why, why can i not understand his rationalisation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

you have my deepest sympathies. unfortunately my best advice is to seek couples-counselling. your hubby shows deep-seated beliefs that cannot be corrected by words alone. by seeking professional help, the therapist will allow for both of you to communicate in a space of equality, respect and compassion for eachother. our helpline is: 0860 100 262.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Guy | 2010-06-02

Hi women
I do sympathise with you and think your husband is selfish and incosiderate. You have all the right to feel they way you do and I agree that if you are not emotionally happy with him, you shouldnt be physically active with him. I dont agree with you when you say that its a man thing as all men are not the same. I am married and dont have any kids yet, however I still spoilt my wife as she is going to be a mother to our kids one day and I am sure that there are lots of other men out there that spoil there wifes. My advise to you is to sit him down and tell him exactly how his actions make you feel. He needs a reality check and if he really loves you, he will make the effort in future. I hope that he starts showing you appreciation and makes you feel special.

Reply to Guy
Posted by: badboy | 2010-06-02

hi woman - just try that ,be the better half he will feell guilty.

Reply to badboy
Posted by: Woman | 2010-06-02

Hi everyone and thank you. Sexologist, i am not 100% sure that anyone would be able to make him understand. he is a stubborn man. Oldster, thank you for saying that, i needed to hear that. You are right. His father is exactly the same. What can I do to help him understand? And thank you badboy.

Chocolate, thank you for your view. I agree that we all all personally responsible for our own happiness. My relationship with my husband is precious to me and is not something that i would easily give up on.

Maryanne, thank you for your comments, you said the right thing. I just don''t see not wanting sex as a weapon though. I am hurting and he caused the hurt, i don''t feel it''s wrong to not let him in my body, because i don''t want him anywhere near me right now. I suppose i like to lick my wounds alone.

I mean, we''vebeen through exactly the same situation in previous years. Why can''t he just do it. It''s such a small thing to offer up 2 days a year? Does he really have so little regard for me, that i am not worth 2 days a year?

*shrug*

I suppose it''s a men are from mars thing.. most mom''s i know got the same treatment as me this year. I wonder why.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Maryanne | 2010-06-02

Woman, I''m sorry abt that, I know exactly how you feel, the exact thing happened to me this year. He didn''t even wish me a happy mothers day. But you know what? Next week it''s Father''s day and I''m gonna give him a taste of his own medicine, it might not hurt him as much as i was hurt but he will get the message. As for you using sex as a weapon, I beg to differ with you.

Using sex as a weapon will only drift you guys apart. Tell him how you feel and maybe let it go for you sake, like he said get over it.

The chances of him apologising to you are next to nothing, you know why? He probably thinks like my husband. My husband said to me - Babe, I love you so much, I do spoil you on your birthday, valentine''s day and through out the year but you shouldn''t get angry with me for not pampering you on Mother''s day, YOU" RE NOT MY MOTHER. Yep, those were exactly his words, I cried like a baby. Next week Sunday I''ll be the one telling him that HE IS NOT MY FATHER. :-) can''t wait.

Woman, please don''t use sex as a weapon whatever your problems...

Reply to Maryanne
Posted by: chocolate | 2010-06-02

Do not feel sorry for yourself Wake Up love yourself do not wait for the man to do things for you men are selfish
go out enjoy yourself,shop dress well move around smartly
Most important Love Yourself take care of yourself
The man will change if he does not leave him on the slow lane.
Men only need us women to be their slaves &  for sex.

Good luck

Reply to chocolate
Posted by: badboy | 2010-06-02

Oldster - is right but show him next time how to do it when its fathers day or his birthday get the kids also in it- good luck be the better half..

Reply to badboy
Posted by: Oldster | 2010-06-01

Shame man, that is just totally unacceptable. I think that apart from being completely selfish he is absolutely unfeeling. I attribute this to his lack of sensitivity no doubt stemming from the way he was raised. He probaby took the women folk in his home for granted as did his father probably. Sons learn from their fathers. I certainly don''t blame you for not having sex with him, why should you? He really needs to treat you properly and appreciate all you do for him and your family. You not only deserve an apology, but you need to be spoiled and pampered and if I could, I would. However, the best I can do is to sympathise with you . How does one teach an oaf to be sensitive and caring if he does not understand what its allo about ? What I would do is withhold the sex and cut back on doing for him, all those little things you do because you love him.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: sexologist | 2010-06-01

you have my deepest sympathies. unfortunately my best advice is to seek couples-counselling. your hubby shows deep-seated beliefs that cannot be corrected by words alone. by seeking professional help, the therapist will allow for both of you to communicate in a space of equality, respect and compassion for eachother. our helpline is: 0860 100 262.

Reply to sexologist

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