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Question
Posted by: I dont have commitment issues | 2012/08/01

Why Marriage

I am divorced after a bad marriage, my ex husband used drugs cheated, etc.

I have buried to past and I am quit succesfull in my new life and I am in loving
4 year relationship , with all the bells and trimmings that goes with it.
We have a combined family and two little dogs.


We did talk about marriage and the way forward, but I don’ t feel like getting married
And keep the things the way it is.

All our friends and family keep on asking when is the big date, and I just feel like
Why change a record if it is not broken,

We have a will together , policies and contract that does stipulate what happens if we do end the relationship.

Is it normal to think the way I do, everyone around me is planning big lavish weddings etc, I just reckon that We both where there before and I don’ t feel like spending thousands of rands just to have a big day.

We want to buy a commitment ring and we do have the contracts, is this not also some sort of way to make it complete?

I am happy with the way we live our lifes and the kids are stable.

My friend said that I am not thinking straight and should think about it clearly.

Why must there be a wedding and marriage, most of the people I know treats their partners like crap with the wedding rings on.

We are fine with everything , how do I answer people when they ask when the big day is, because the “  it is personal”  does not seem to help.



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I confess it has always bothered me the way OTHER people, friends and family, push people to get married, or even into a relationship, when its really none of their business. That's simply meddling in the lives of others. You'd swear they all had shares in wedding venues and wedding planners.
And why the huge emphasis on weddings, and so much less emphasis on a happy relationship, as though that's far less important than the right caterer and drapings ?
If you and your partner are happy in the way you have chosen to be together, that's better than 60-80 per cent of mariages. And when they nag, just say " Thanks for your concern, but we''re perfectly happy as we are. "

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/03

I confess it has always bothered me the way OTHER people, friends and family, push people to get married, or even into a relationship, when its really none of their business. That's simply meddling in the lives of others. You'd swear they all had shares in wedding venues and wedding planners.
And why the huge emphasis on weddings, and so much less emphasis on a happy relationship, as though that's far less important than the right caterer and drapings ?
If you and your partner are happy in the way you have chosen to be together, that's better than 60-80 per cent of mariages. And when they nag, just say " Thanks for your concern, but we''re perfectly happy as we are. "

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/08/02

Don''t try to fix something that ain''t broken! If it works for you, why get married and maybe complicate matters! You are covering all the bases by ensuring that there are policies/wills etc. in place, take care of the legalities as it were! Good on both of you! At the end of the day it''s just a piece of paper anyway - you are living together as a family and are comfortable with the arrangement, why change it!? I don''t understand the reasoning behind big, lavish weddings that people have these days - my nephew spent almost R80k on their wedding and there were not even 80 people there! I cannot understand why anyone would want to spend that kind of money - I guess it''s a matter of choice. Maybe you should tell people to mind their own business when they ask - you are happy with the way things are and why change (and maybe complicate matters) to make it more " socially acceptable" ?

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Maria | 2012/08/01

Isn''t it ridiculous how much emphasis people put on THAT DAY. It''s after all just one day in years and years that you will (hopefully) be together. You seem to have handled the legal stuff in a very responsible way. I just want to point out that you could get legally married, without the big expensive party, if you should want to. But obviously you don''t have to. Maybe just tell people that you are mature enough to commit to each other without having a big do - and plenty of people who have the big do part ways again a few years later anyway.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Ria | 2012/08/01

You seem to be pretty happy &  have a stable relationship, so you are right, why spoil it! You are also right that many married women get treated like crap. If you are both happy with your relationship as is, then why make changes just to please others and to just do what is socially more acceptable.

You''re both adults and have been through this before and if you are happy and it works for both of you and the kids, then keep it as is.

Reply to Ria
Posted by: Ria | 2012/08/01

You seem to be pretty happy &  have a stable relationship, so you are right, why spoil it! You are also right that many married women get treated like crap. If you are both happy with your relationship as is, then why make changes just to please others and to just do what is socially more acceptable.

You''re both adults and have been through this before and if you are happy and it works for both of you and the kids, then keep it as is.

Reply to Ria

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