Our expert says:
Rest assured there are people with the same/similar problem! A huge number (if not most) women in a long term relationship loose their libido a few years into the relationship. This is an entirely normal and sad fact of life in a long-term committed heterosexual relationship. Many people imagine that it can be easy to simply choose to be sexual and fix the problem, but when libido is not present the whole sexual response takes effort to drive (priorising it has to be a conscious choice, becoming aroused takes longer and may be more difficult, etc). So it IS possible, but only if the person concerned WANTS to do this. This motivation may be influenced by her satisfaction in the rest of the relationship, her psychological wellbeing, her understanding of the impact of this discrepancy on you, and her comfort with her own sexuality. It is unlikely that semen can still be leaking out of her days later, nevertheless she is clearly uncomfortable with this and this may mean that she is not entirely comfortable with her sexuality in general. Whilst I hear what you are saying about having spoken to her, it sounds like there is a limited understanding and this could do to improve... In circumstances such as this it is not uncommon for the female to 'switch off' even more if she feels that you are 'always after sex' - she may interpret any physical affection as another occasion where she has to say no again. Believe it or not, most women do not like being in thsis position, but feel that they have no choice. If this applies to you, try setting yourself a limit if affection happens to make sure that you can just kiss, hold or stroke her without it moving to her breasts or genitals....tell her that you are doing this because you want her to know that it's okay to touch and be touched without fear that it will lead to sex. Most men are fearful that this might mean they never have sex again, but with greater understanding of her needs, so she MAY be more inclined to think about your needs - and possibly even consider being a little more flexible... If she is not willing to budge, then you have to recognise that you have choices here - it may be that the rest of the marriage outweighs the frustrations you experience...it may be that this is not the case. Consider discussing this in a counselling set up if you have no joy...
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