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Question
Posted by: ?me? | 2010-04-23

Why is he so selfish with himself and one sided?

I''m in a serious relationship now for 7.5 years. We both still live with our parents and his are strict (catholic) and don''t let us sleep in the same bed but I don''t mind, my parents are not strict, but he won''t ever come to my house so we always gotta sneak a quickie at his house. Basically when he wants it, he lifts his shirt up (so that I can suck his nipple) or lightly pushes my head in his penis''s direction.(That''s how unromantic he is) We never kiss. I ALWAYS have to give him a blow job, and just before he climaxes, he says okay come and then we have sex and I am ALWAYS on top. He never touches me, or goes down on me or anything at all!!!!!! I dunno if he is grossed out by me or not attracted to me??? I am a slim pretty woman. It puts me right off sex when I have to give him a blow job, then when I complain about doing it he says leave it, then we have sex and I can see he doesn''t enjoy it, so I get angry and give him a blow job anyway! I dunno what to do. He makes me not like sex and feel very insecure about my body because I have very small breasts. What do you suggest I do to change this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Alot about the way he acts may be related to his strict upbringing where one doesnot show emotions or express love and affection openly. This however is not an excuse for how he treats you. a relationship is a 2way thing. there is no reason for you not to expect love and affetion and sexual satisfaction.
deal with this problem NOW. seven and a half years is already long enough and especially if your'l are thinking of marriage, this could be a continuous problem. speak to him. let him know how you feel regarding sex and his lack of attention to your needs. Why doesnt he come to your house? why dont your'l kiss or caress? these are all very important questions and may be a reflection of your'ls life after marriage.
irrespective of how big or small your breasts are or how fat or thin you are, your partner is supposed to bring out the best in you and make you feel beautiful, not lower your self esteem. if he is unwilling to change his ways or learn to compromise, you could suggest some couple's therapy. if this idea doesnt work out, than you need to seriously think about your future and the type of person you want to spend it with.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: candy | 2010-04-26

Gal truth be told u need to live this man, even a fool can c dat he feels absolutely nothing for u except maybe his door mat. sex is suppoused to be enjoyed by both partners, and to be honerst i gota say i''m suprised u stayd with hm 4 so long, his physically and emotionally abusing u.PLZ GET OUT NW

Reply to candy
Posted by: Oldster | 2010-04-24

Woman and Boomsie have good advice for you. 8 years and still living with Mommy and Daddy ? He has not grown up and he is taking you for a fool. I mean for him to almost snap his fingers for you to jump through the hoop is just too much ! You think you love him, but its more like being comfortable with hiom ''cos you have been togtethyer so long. Go and get some experience elsewhere and see how you enjoy that.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: Anony10.... | 2010-04-23

hez definately GAY!! &  is in denial. he wanna be blowed &  thrust u only when hez about to come? he dont kiss u because he dont find woman attractive?? Look at the signs!!!!

Reply to Anony10....
Posted by: Nice Guy | 2010-04-23

separation is not an answer yet, i''d say take Bozo''s advice in this one, then you will be fine

Reply to Nice Guy
Posted by: boomsie | 2010-04-23

please get out of that joke " relationship" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dear! almost 8 years together, sneaky sex? no lovemaking! pleae its to die for, you are going down a blac dark tunnel , i am begging you today, get ou of it woman! while your''e not married yet, and please!! dont make mistake af marying him! dont!

Reply to boomsie
Posted by: Woman | 2010-04-23

I absolutely agree with all the above advice. He obviously has some serious hang ups about sex. You''re together for nearly 8 years and he hasn''t asked you to marry him? He''s still living with his parents?
No, no, no!!! all danger signs you''re seeing, my dear!

There is *nothing* wrong with small breasts, and your bf should be all over you.

Get out now, while you''re still young and find Mr. right!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: ?me? | 2010-04-23

Top dog, what is the way to get around this?
I don''t thinks that''s true cause he has kissed me before straight after the -l- (when drunk but we don''t drink anymore)

Zozo, I want to try find a solution before just walking away, I love this man very much.

Bozo, I have tried explaining this but he always has an excuse the next time. He can see that I am clearly peed off and don''t wanna do it but he doesn''t seem to care.

XXX, I try to hold back, doesn''t always work... I will try harder.

Is he just lazy or do you think he doesn''t find me good in bed? and unattractive?

Reply to ?me?
Posted by: XXX | 2010-04-23

He is self-centred which is unaccepable.If he does not please you in the ways you want and need then hold back on servicing him.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Bozo | 2010-04-23

He is a selfish lover for whatever reason.

You should talk to him and explain that you need sex just like the next person.And that you need foreplay before the real act in order for you to enjoy it.

I would suggest no more -|- s until he can return the favour and untill he can change.

I might be wrong but my guess is he is a spoiled brat.

Reply to Bozo
Posted by: ZOZO | 2010-04-23

Well my sister the only to get out of this is to leave the bustered alone, find other men who will love and appreciate you, coz from your story it seems like your man will never change.

Reply to ZOZO
Posted by: topdog | 2010-04-23

he is only worried about his own pleasures,by giving him a blow job he finds u dirty and that is y he does not kiss u,there is a way to get around this.

Reply to topdog

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