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Question
Posted by: JohnWayne | 2009/11/19

Why does she leave me after every fight?

Ive been dating this girl for the past 3 months. She had some family problems and moved in with me after 1month. Things are real well between us, alot of respect, love, hapiness etc.. but everytime we have the slightest arguement she threatens to leave and starts packing her bags, throwing everyhing out of her closet etc. until about an hour later then she starts crying, says sorry and packs her stuff back. its happened 3times already and im getting sick of it. I try to be as supportive as possible as she is a very emotional person aswell as all the family problems so i take it and keep quiet. - now - am i a woos for not saying anyting and she thinks im a push over,thats why she thinks she can keep on doing it because she gets away with it everytime? should i stand up against it and let her leave and give her a bit of a fright? or should i take it and help her through it? i dont know? but i know that i cant take it any longer. please help?????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe she moved in too soon, more to get away from family problems than because actually drawn to you. Maybe you have found, too, that she has developed a bad habit, of responding to any problem by running away rather than by trying to solve it. Talk this over calmly with her, she may well need and benefit from, some counseling, as she probably needs more skilled and experienced help than you can give
Unless she accepts and sincerely cooperates with, prper expert help to deal wit her problems, including her bad habits, this will not improve on its own.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: JohnWayne | 2009/11/23

Thanx all for your replies!! so many different responses but all very true!!! the only difficult thing is to know which one will work best, kick her out or support her?? i know she is going through a rough time, and i sit with her and talk, listen, do whatever it takes to inderstand her and for her to be able to deal with her emotions!! but its all empty promises. it just happens agian and again.

i think ill try both!! try to support, but if it happens again ill ask her to leave.

Thanx again.
ciao

Reply to JohnWayne
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/11/19

Gees, judging from the responses above I must be one of the only women NOT like that, who DON' T use tears to get what they want.

Eish, instead I find myself men who DO that. LOL. groan

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/11/19

Yip totally agree with H too!
and the crying part at the end, we girls can do that so easily!
We cry and we forgiven...
I mean I know when I' ve done something wrong or we argue etc the easiest way out is to cry and then its so easy because the emotions are there and everything, the guy will then do anything to make you stop and whatever you done wronf is also imm. forgiven! Hmm well most of the time though lol
Do not let her get away with this, maybe the next time she does it force her to go through with it. Take her bags outside for her and tell her to go! Then one she' s gone she can think it all over , give her some time and when she' s ready to behave like an adult let her come back, why should you suffer.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/19

Your girlfriend might be suffering fro depression. Before you consider breaking up with her, please consider that she might be suffering from depression. Depression can cause violent, even angry fits.

You said that she had moved in with you after a month because of family problems? Maybe she has trust issues, where she feel that each argument with you is really the end of the relationship and that you want her to leave

I am just giving another opinion, but please urge her to see a reputable psychiatrist..

Reply to Woman
Posted by: girlie | 2009/11/19

Hi john, i fully agree with H when she says your gfriend is an attention seeker. I do that a lot with my boyfriend, everytime we have a fight i take all my things at his house and leave.

When you argue the first thing that comes to her mind is maybe you no longer love her and she is invading your space. Its not her doing that its emotions, she needs to deal with her emotions. you also need to seriously have a chat with her when you are both calm and explain to her that her actions really hurt and frustrates you and you love being with her.

Most of the time that happens when she surpresses her anger and you must encourage her to speak her mind so that she does not bottle up issues. its a sad one and i know you must be frustrated but i understand where she is coming from because i do that a lot but what i know is there is an underlying reason. sometimes you will find that he was hurt by someone whom she really loves and that person left her, now subconsciously she thinks she should leave you before you dump her. its not what she wants believe me because i know, when someone does not love you nothing will stop him from leaving you no matter what. encourage her to speak her mind and listen.

TA

Reply to girlie
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/11/19

If I were you I would ask her to leave. My ex behaved in this manner towards me, also right from the begining, and it never changed ... despite his many promises. We also had our happy moments, and I thought he respected me, but looking back on it all now obviously not enought to want to make that change.

Look, I know that people can change but only if they WANT to and ACTIVELY work on it.

I just think that you have only been together 3 months ... why should you have to take on all of that baggage? You are already questioning yourself and asking what can YOU do ... when clearly it is your GF that should be asking what can SHE do.

3 times in 3 months? That' s ALOT and its not pleasant!! My ex broke up with me 7 times in our initial 5 mnths!! I broke up with him and then (stupidly!!) got back together after his promises.

The last 3 months we were together I lost track of the amount of times he broke up with me (and often for no apparent reason at all). He even staged a whole public engagament in order to " prove hs love"  (very misguided) ... &  he left me again the night that he decided to propose!!

Sorry, I have probably waffled on a bit here, but often think hearing other people' s experiences help. Your GF' s bahviour is not stable and it is hurtful to you - it' s just unnaceptable.

And unless, she decides that that element of her bahaviour is unacceptable too, she WILL continue to do it. And, it will eventually break you down.

My advice, be careful wth your own heart ... who you give it to &  how they use it!

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: h | 2009/11/19

Tantrums. Like a child would throw. I know because that' s exactly what I do and it is wrong and taxing on the people around you who care.

Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her? It' s not nice! She needs to consider you, especially because you' ve been so caring towards her. Tell her that you do care but that when she throws her 2-year-old tantrums then she' s disrespecting you and you will have no choice but to ask her to leave. Point out that you have NO obligation towards her, you not a family member who has to care or put up with this. You' re an individual who deserves to be respected and she cannot do that, there are people out there who care enough to consider those around them,

The other alternative is to walk out of the house when she does this. Leave her alone to cry and get the f^ck over herself. Kids keep throwing tantrums when they see it gets them attention. And anyone who throws tantrums is an attention-seeker. So withdraw the attention and she will stop because she will see it gets her nowehere.

The one thing that shut up my tantrums was when my BF just left. he took his keys and left. He called 2 days later to find out if I got over myself yet. He simply does not tolerate it. Stares at me blankly and then leaves. It worked. For childish people you have to help them " grow-up"  and realise this is the adult world we living in.
I hope that something works for you. Else you might have to say goodbye, as this relationship is still relatively new it will be easier to end it now than later.

Reply to h
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/19

Maybe she moved in too soon, more to get away from family problems than because actually drawn to you. Maybe you have found, too, that she has developed a bad habit, of responding to any problem by running away rather than by trying to solve it. Talk this over calmly with her, she may well need and benefit from, some counseling, as she probably needs more skilled and experienced help than you can give
Unless she accepts and sincerely cooperates with, prper expert help to deal wit her problems, including her bad habits, this will not improve on its own.

Reply to cybershrink

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