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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/09/30

Why do men do this?

I am a tomboy of note, most of my friends are guys and they tell me just about everything that happens in their lives etc. Things go well and then suddenly BOOM! I get told sorry I need a break from this friendship - I just need to sort myself out for a bit, or I get the " My girlfriend / wife"  doesnt approve of out friendship and i need to lay low for a little while. Now dont get me wrong I understand that people have their own issues - I have mine too. The last relationship i had which ended about 4 months ago, they guy and i just started less until i didnt see the need to ask what going on anymore and just accepted the fact that he is no longer interested in me. So time goes maybe 4-6 months and suddenly I start getting these sms''s / calls / whatsapp''s from the ex, the friends etc. telling me they miss my friendship and asking why am i so quiet.I wasnt the one who changed, they are. Recently an ex of mine told me that although he missed the intimiacy he missed our friendship more because i was always honest and told him exactly what he needed to hear without feeling sorry for him. I will only take a page out of their books if they are busy with their lives i wont bother them. Even someone I am dating if he feels he doesnt want to talk to me - there is nothing i can do. I feel bad for a little while but then i will eventually move on with my own life. Why the hell do they do it if they come back over and over again? I just dont get it!! And if its me doing something wrong then i really need to stop this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

MEN don't do that. Some people, including SOME men, may do that. Its not entirely clear, from your description, what these relationships are that you are mentioning - what YOU are expecting from them, and what the guys are expecting. Especially where you are describing relating to men with an exiasting girlfriend or wife.
Sometimes, for instance, they may feel a relationship with a "tomboy" woman may be more innocent ( or expect it to be seen as such by other more girly girlfriends ) and perhaps with less expectation of sexual content. They may hope for a form of friendship, like a pal, without the specific boy-girl components.
Also, as this seems to have been a recurrent issue for you, what results have you had when you calmly asked these men about what was happening in your relationship with them ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/30

MEN don't do that. Some people, including SOME men, may do that. Its not entirely clear, from your description, what these relationships are that you are mentioning - what YOU are expecting from them, and what the guys are expecting. Especially where you are describing relating to men with an exiasting girlfriend or wife.
Sometimes, for instance, they may feel a relationship with a "tomboy" woman may be more innocent ( or expect it to be seen as such by other more girly girlfriends ) and perhaps with less expectation of sexual content. They may hope for a form of friendship, like a pal, without the specific boy-girl components.
Also, as this seems to have been a recurrent issue for you, what results have you had when you calmly asked these men about what was happening in your relationship with them ?

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