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Question
Posted by: Sensible | 2011-08-22

Why do I snap at him?

Hello Prof, my partner and I had been together since May 2007. In May this year he paid lobola. I''m 35 and he is 39. The thing is he never stays at home, since day 1. Always looking for somewhere to go over weekends. It seems as if he is avoiding me but then he says he has been like this since childhood and cannot stay at home the whole day. He says he gets frustrated at home. Sometimes we go out but when we come back home he wants to leave on his own. This is the only thing we fight about, year after year and I end snapping at him saying hurtful words. I am independent and have own friends but I would love spending time with him. sometimes. Is it too much to ask? I have a 9 yr old child from a previous relationship and now that this one has paid lobola (which is considered a marriage) he wants us to have a child. I am on contraceptives without his knowledge because I am scared he will be away througout the pregnancy and after.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its understandable that you worry that he apparently wants to avoid you, or being home, or something, by wandering each weekend. Its not enough of an explanation to say he's been like this since childhood - maybe he wore nappies as a child, but that wouldn't be a really good reason for wearing them now.
Its obviously not about him not wanting to just stay at home at the weekends, but about going out alone, as your example shows -even if you go out together, he then wants to go out on his own.
Maybe tere are not other women in his life, but with this pattern of behaviour, it'd be hard for you to feel secure about this.
Wouldn't it be a wise investment for you both to see a marriage counsellor, and work out whether you can have a happy and trusting relationship together ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011-08-22

it is a good thing you have not fallen pregnant. I think you should seriously reconsider this one.
Lets face it. You can be alone with your child and live the same life you are living now. Do you need this man in your life?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-22

Its understandable that you worry that he apparently wants to avoid you, or being home, or something, by wandering each weekend. Its not enough of an explanation to say he's been like this since childhood - maybe he wore nappies as a child, but that wouldn't be a really good reason for wearing them now.
Its obviously not about him not wanting to just stay at home at the weekends, but about going out alone, as your example shows -even if you go out together, he then wants to go out on his own.
Maybe tere are not other women in his life, but with this pattern of behaviour, it'd be hard for you to feel secure about this.
Wouldn't it be a wise investment for you both to see a marriage counsellor, and work out whether you can have a happy and trusting relationship together ?

Reply to cybershrink

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