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Question
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2010/06/07

Why do I have to bend?

I am a colored dating a 40 year old white guy. I backgrounds and standard of living is worlds apart, yet I love this man very very much.Whenever he has problems in the relationship with I bend and an change to make him happy. All I want from him is his heart, the guy can''t even say that he loves me. We ve known each other for 4 years dating seriously for 1 year now. He knows how much I love him, yet when we have arguments, he is quick to say let''s quite. I ask why h does that, he says it''s out of arrogance. I everything to make this man happy, change as a person for him, and yet he tells me, he does''nt feel like going through the emotional road. I tell him I wnat to spend my life with him, he tells me, he just give this relationship another 2/4 years, and here I''m waiting for this man to ask me to marry him. Should I wait for him to change, is it possible that he will change if I love him enough,I am so desparate for this man to just love me, that''s all. How can I make him love me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think you really want to love someone, but this guy does not deserve your love at all. He is not showing any proper respect for you. He is using you, to help him to feel special and important, and sounds very selfish, thinking only of his own pleasure and not yours, his own lack of any apparent desire for a longer future, and ignoring what you want.
Don't wait for him to change - why would he want to change ? You can't MAKE him love you - nobody can do that. And in a way the more slavishly you try to show love for him, the less respect he has for you and the less reason he has to feel love for you.
This is probably as good as it will get - a relationship such as you describe stays much the same, but usually only gets worse. Move on, leave him behind to think only of himself, and find someone who deserves your love.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2010/06/07

He is not married and never was cause he is so full of shit

Reply to Flower1980
Posted by: XXX | 2010/06/07

This guy has his bread buttered on both sides,he eats at home and has his pudding elsewhere.I doubt where he is going to dump his wife for you.
I would move on if I were you.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Maria | 2010/06/07

You deserve someone who will love and cherish you.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2010/06/07

He is using you. He likes having a gf who jumps through hoops for him and he doesn''t have to put any effort into the relationship. Dump him, there is no reason to believe that he will change. Sorry.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/07

I think you really want to love someone, but this guy does not deserve your love at all. He is not showing any proper respect for you. He is using you, to help him to feel special and important, and sounds very selfish, thinking only of his own pleasure and not yours, his own lack of any apparent desire for a longer future, and ignoring what you want.
Don't wait for him to change - why would he want to change ? You can't MAKE him love you - nobody can do that. And in a way the more slavishly you try to show love for him, the less respect he has for you and the less reason he has to feel love for you.
This is probably as good as it will get - a relationship such as you describe stays much the same, but usually only gets worse. Move on, leave him behind to think only of himself, and find someone who deserves your love.

Reply to cybershrink

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