Posted by: Anon | 2009-02-05

Why do I hang on

In the past 14 years I was in 2 relationships, the first relationship lasted 11 years and the other 3 years. I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused in both relationship. I took all the abuse and then one day I just cracked and left, however it takes a while for me to give up and I give the other person chances to change and they never do. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 2 years but I still continue to make the wrong choices. For the past 2 months I have been dating someone and in plain terms he treats me badly, he emotionally and verbally abuses me. I know that this is too early in a relationship and that I should give up, but I have fear of letting go because I always end up alone (I have no friends or family where I am as they are all in other cities). He tells me that I am an emotional freak. How do I break the cycle and move on with my life, because thats what I really want to do. I dont want to contact him anymore, and feel that its time to move on and give all relationships a miss. Why am I hanging on to something that is clearly not working and causes me more pain than happiness. I just want to let go and be alone....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its very impotant to work with a therapist both to recover from these awful experiences, and to prepare to be open to pleasant relationships, while never opening yourself to abuse again. Its a nice feature of chaacter to give other people a chance to change, but only if there is a realistic chance of them wanting to change and being capable of doing so, and not if you wait a year of more for the miracle to occur.
You are always better off alone than with an abuser. Let go of this guy before the abuse gets worse. Don't be so scared to be alone, and then you won't be so desperate as to give any other abuser the chance. See a counsellor / therapist ( POWA or some similar group could recommend someone suitable, as could FAMSA ) and free yourself from this bad habit of enabling abusers, and rather be open to sustaining relationships

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Funkyheart | 2009-02-16

Go get a book called " woman who love too much"  it should help you with your questions

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Posted by: Sorry | 2009-02-06

Yes, I often wonder why it is that some women move from one abusive relationship to another. Why are you girls attracted to these low lifes' ? As the Doc says, its better to be alone than to be stuck with one of these creeps. Get going and don' t look back. Don' t allow anyone to bring pain, terror and emotional abuse into your life, remember you are decent being and you deserve the very best in life. By now you must recognise the signs of a low life abuser, so as soon as they manifest themselves, get the hell out of there. Loneliness can be a real nuisance, but you are far better off in the company of someone who loves you, respects you and is your very very best companion and that is you yourself. Take heart my girl.

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