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Question
Posted by: Pearl | 2010/10/14

why do i get jealous?

Please help CS, i am 31 never been married, separated from my baby''s father - in a happy relationship - in a stable job - doing well financially - have All basic needs and some luxuries.... BUT each time i see a married woman happy with her family - i get jealous why?!? I am contented with life and i don''t capitalise on past failures or anything like that - but i just get to scrutinise the woman and the family if they are really happy or faking it or you stupid things that are non of my business...

is this normal or am i a weirdo?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, you have many of the good things in life which so many people never manage to get. But maybe not in an entirely orthodox set-up ? What is it you think the women you feel envious of, have, which you don't have ? They're probably, IF they're lucky, about as fortunate and happy, and unfortunate and unhappy, as you are.
And Liza's right, that CBT style counselling could help you break the wasteful habit of negative thinking
Always remember one of Cybershrink's Great Bits of Wisdom ( no extra charge ) - "Life is like a library. With everyone else, you just see the dustjacket of their books, designed to impress you ; you are the only book you have read. "

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: bet | 2010/10/15

I am in the exact same shoes as you. i also wondered if i am normal to feel that way when i see people happy with their partners. i wonder how am i wired? is it i am not meant to be happy in a relationship, or did my baby dady just really screw me emotionally

Reply to bet
Posted by: FT | 2010/10/14

I''ve felt that way before too, but I''ve learnt something from it. As most people have said, other people''s happiness could be just a mask, you''ll never know. I believe we lose the best in life when we look to the side and think what we see is what we want. You have the chance to be happy in this very moment. If you want to be happy with the person you are with, don''t ever doubt you can. You can! You have to enjoy the happiness that they offer you. You have to believe. Don''t waste your time looking for something better that doesn''t exist. Be happy with what you''ve got because that is real and that is all you need, and you certainly don''t want to throw it away to find out that''s all you needed, like many people do. Your past relationship came to an end for a reason and someone new came along. Don''t look back. Take him in your arms because he is the one who could make you truly happy. Don''t let your insecurities push him away.

Reply to FT
Posted by: Pearl | 2010/10/14

Thanks ladies, there''s so much truth in what you''ve said!

Reply to Pearl
Posted by: Liza | 2010/10/14

If your thoughts are bothersome, you should perhaps go for some counseling to find out why you''re having these thoughts.

''Preparing'' yourself just ''in-case'' things go wrong are also negative thoughts and perhaps you should learn through CBT style counseling how to change your thoughts into more positive patterns?

I know you want to protect yourself, but your thought patterns can cause you to look for problems where none exist - or it can cause you to blow a small solvable problem completely out of proportion!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/14

I understand, that is why I struggle as well. The worse part is that even if we " protect"  ouselves by this, we will anyway get hurt if something happens.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Pearl | 2010/10/14

Anon - i do love my partner but i was inlove with my baby''s father and yes i had put on the " happy mask"  as well... he did not deserve me and i am glad that i am out of that relationship! Unfortunately...i do love my partner but i am at a state whereby i always prepare myself, just incase things don''t go well, therefore it hinders the chances of ejoying the relationship to the fullest...

Reply to Pearl
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/14

Do you love your partner? I happen too struggle with feeling love (or at least the way I think it should be felt). I am married, but as I said sometimes I wonder if I really am in love with my husband, or just comfortable. This means that if I see another couple I also tend to get a little jealous because I also want to feel that " in love" . I am just asking if maybe this could also be why you get jealous.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/14

Hey Pearl, According to people, friends, and family I was happily married, we looked like any normal couple, but like * say behind close door its a different story, im divrcing my hubby, and the world is in shcok, cause evryone thought we were so happy, I was just tired of being sad, as I am missing out on life and the beauty of this planet.
I was also tired of wearing a mask of fthe time. I tell u now, not everyone you met, who is smiling is actually happy inside.

be content with what you have.
have a good day Anon

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Pearl | 2010/10/14

I think if they have more than one child or if they''ve been married for forever - isn''t that a sign that they are happy?

Reply to Pearl
Posted by: * | 2010/10/14

How do you know they are a happily married couple, these couples you see? It might just be a front they put up in public, but behind closed doors it is another story!

Reply to *
Posted by: weirdo | 2010/10/14

Werido would be to kind you are exceptionally strange
and need to be separated from society indefinitely!

seriously your not werid everyone gets jealous its human nature.

Reply to weirdo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/14

So, you have many of the good things in life which so many people never manage to get. But maybe not in an entirely orthodox set-up ? What is it you think the women you feel envious of, have, which you don't have ? They're probably, IF they're lucky, about as fortunate and happy, and unfortunate and unhappy, as you are.
And Liza's right, that CBT style counselling could help you break the wasteful habit of negative thinking
Always remember one of Cybershrink's Great Bits of Wisdom ( no extra charge ) - "Life is like a library. With everyone else, you just see the dustjacket of their books, designed to impress you ; you are the only book you have read. "

Reply to cybershrink

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