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Question
Posted by: JP | 2012-05-14

Why do I feel so young and stupid?

Hi.
I am 29 years old but I still feel like a small boy with no real authority or power.
This did not really bother me but now I feel insecure. I have a very good job where I should be able to take action and take charge but I still feel that I should ask or consult before I do something. It feels like I will mess up everything. It feels like the other people my age is so much more in control and that they know so much more or their work.
You know if you are in gr 8 you see the gr 12 pupils so big and important, but when you get to gr 12 you still feel like the gr 8 pupil and not like a gr 12 pupils that should be the leader of the school.
This is what I feel - like I am not where I should be and it is keeping me back professionally.
I am married and whenever I come into contact with friends that are married, I still feel as if they are better than me. I want to start a family but am afraid of the commitment because of how I feel.
Any help?
Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Lets se. Some people feel powerless because, in fact, they are. Some feel powerless however much power they get. You seem to be speakin about gradually gaining actual power at work, but not yet feeling used to it, and feeling hesitant about exterting the power you have. Lacking self-confidence, and expecting to fail ?
Now, be very cautious about comparing yourself to others of similar age who you see around you. You know all your own awful secrets about feeling insecure, but none of their secrets. You see them ACTING secure and confident and you are convinced - you see them as they wish to be seen, not necessarily as they are.
What would actually most help would be to see a good counsellor / psychotherapist who uses the current method best supported by good research, CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( because it works with Cognitions / thoughts and behaviours ) and helps you to review and revise your automatic unhelpful assumptions and responses, to built self-confidence and competence, and to feel more comfortable in company. Instead of feeling like a second-rate version of anyone else, you can enjoy recognizing that you are a first-rate version of yourself.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-14

Lets se. Some people feel powerless because, in fact, they are. Some feel powerless however much power they get. You seem to be speakin about gradually gaining actual power at work, but not yet feeling used to it, and feeling hesitant about exterting the power you have. Lacking self-confidence, and expecting to fail ?
Now, be very cautious about comparing yourself to others of similar age who you see around you. You know all your own awful secrets about feeling insecure, but none of their secrets. You see them ACTING secure and confident and you are convinced - you see them as they wish to be seen, not necessarily as they are.
What would actually most help would be to see a good counsellor / psychotherapist who uses the current method best supported by good research, CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( because it works with Cognitions / thoughts and behaviours ) and helps you to review and revise your automatic unhelpful assumptions and responses, to built self-confidence and competence, and to feel more comfortable in company. Instead of feeling like a second-rate version of anyone else, you can enjoy recognizing that you are a first-rate version of yourself.

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