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Question
Posted by: Tanilani | 2009-11-12

Why do I feel so bad?

I' ll try to be as short as possible. Due to circumstances I had to get a protection order against my husband. We are in the process of getting a divorce. The VERY SAME DAY the order was granted he came to my house and verbally assulted me and my mother, intimidated my daughter and was totally drunk. All items stipulated in the order. I phoned the police, I eventually phoned my lawyer who told the inspector to arrest my husband, but they let him go. The next evening I laid an official complaint against my husband. Today they will phone him to come and make his statement, after which he will be arrested. He pleaded with me after wards to withdraw the case and promised me all sorts of lovely things, but I endured more that five years of this and it took a lot of guts for me to get the protection order in the first place, so I will not withdraw. Now I cant understand why I feel so bad, because I feel totally hard against him, my heart is like a block of ice. Normally I' m a soft, peaceful person. I suppose I just reached my limit? Is it normal to feel like sh!t in this situation although he is the guilty one? Please advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Disuss this with your lawyer, as it may be necessary to lay a complaint against the police, as well - the man broke the terms of a court order, which is contem pt of court, I think. Do not belive any of the promises your husband makes as he is trying to persuade you to let him off the hook.
Don't allow yourself to feel so bad - he is trying his hardest to make you feel bad, to feel guilty, to feel sorry for him - and you shouldn't accept those invitations. Maybe you're hard intellectually - you know you should be, but a part of your heart is expressing pity for the guy who deserves none.
It is perfectly normal, unfortunately, to feel like shit in these circumstances - and part of his problem is that he doesn't feel guilty when he should, just as you feel guilty when you shouldn't
Be strong, and protect yoruself

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-12

Disuss this with your lawyer, as it may be necessary to lay a complaint against the police, as well - the man broke the terms of a court order, which is contem pt of court, I think. Do not belive any of the promises your husband makes as he is trying to persuade you to let him off the hook.
Don't allow yourself to feel so bad - he is trying his hardest to make you feel bad, to feel guilty, to feel sorry for him - and you shouldn't accept those invitations. Maybe you're hard intellectually - you know you should be, but a part of your heart is expressing pity for the guy who deserves none.
It is perfectly normal, unfortunately, to feel like shit in these circumstances - and part of his problem is that he doesn't feel guilty when he should, just as you feel guilty when you shouldn't
Be strong, and protect yoruself

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