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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/03/08

Why do I feel like this

Let me first say that I do not wish to hurt anyone I just want to understand my feelings. I am 24 and will be married 4 years in June, I have a daughter of 15 months with my husband. We have been through some hard pressed times in the last 2 years of our marriage but have started to get things back on track lately. What I want to understand is why do I fantasise and think about being with other men all the time but I struggle to be with my husband sexually?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

i would want to know from you why you chose your husband as your life partner. i would like to know if you were ever sexually attracted to him. Was sexual attraction one of the important factors for you in choice of partner at all? The unpuzzling of your dilemma can only be done by teasing out these and many other important areas of your lives.
If you were never sexually attracted to him then its understandable that you will want to arouse yourself with other fantasies. If you have a history of sexual abuse then you are more likely to split off your sexuality from your relationship and this could be a consequence. And very significantly is the "difficult" time you refer to that you and your husband have been through in your marriage - this is a major contributing factor to your lack of attraction. Or maybe you simply need the stimulation of this kind of fantasy as it is a an integral part of your sexuality. Lots for you to think about ...

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2010/03/21

i would want to know from you why you chose your husband as your life partner. i would like to know if you were ever sexually attracted to him. Was sexual attraction one of the important factors for you in choice of partner at all? The unpuzzling of your dilemma can only be done by teasing out these and many other important areas of your lives.
If you were never sexually attracted to him then its understandable that you will want to arouse yourself with other fantasies. If you have a history of sexual abuse then you are more likely to split off your sexuality from your relationship and this could be a consequence. And very significantly is the "difficult" time you refer to that you and your husband have been through in your marriage - this is a major contributing factor to your lack of attraction. Or maybe you simply need the stimulation of this kind of fantasy as it is a an integral part of your sexuality. Lots for you to think about ...

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